Anti abandons the internet.

i simply HATE having daddy issues. i mean, aren't chicks supposed to be the ones with daddy issues? And yet, here i am... the years since my dad and i last spoke piling up faster than i ever imagined.

day to day, i don't even think about it, or about HIM. i can go a whole month without thinking about my dad. And i'm doing fine without him. i have clothes on my back, and a roof over my head. THATS ALREADY more than he ever thought possible without his help. IN YOUR FACE DAD!

And now all this. my mom stirred up the pot by contacting him, and my dad wants to "repair" his relationship with me.

i will tell you what my sisters have aggreed to already: Julie said, "thanks, but no thanks." ginger said, "maybe when im less busy" and carrie said, "let's do lunch, how's saturday sound?"

i thought about the terms i would present to my dad, and about what it would take for me to forgive him. the first idea was money, because he financially screwed me... and YES money would have to play a part in his "apology". but making it ONLY about money sort of implies my forgiveness is for sale. and it IS. but only half for sale, because it wouldn't be enough.

i need more from him than just $$$.

i think what i want from him, He is incapable of giving to me.... sad but true.

i want a REAL APOLOGY. i want him to admit that it was HIM that screwed me over, and not pass the buck or scapegoat. i want to hear him say to my face, "yes i fucked you over, and im really sorry about it. can you forgive me?" is that so FUCKING hard?

and i think that it might just be that. TOO HARD FOR HIM. we're talking about a man with an ego that is astronomical in size. he even makes MY ego look small!

i guess my mom has since told him my terms, and he said he would mail me a check for whatever amount i wanted... along with a letter he wants to write to me. IF I HAVE TO READ A LETTER FROM HIS LYING ASS then no thanks. i don't care if the check is for 20 thousand dollars. it's not worth it.

that wasn't all he said either, i guess he still was playing up the whole "im broke" lie. (how broke could he be? he has floor seats at the staples center for the clippers games, he drives a BMW, he lives on the strand in manhattan beach...) and along with the broke lie, he tried to back peddle and justify how he screwed me over. to me... that means nothing's changed in his head, and my fantasy of a REAL APOLOGY is as realistic as wishing i super powers.

SO HEY DAD, are you reading this??? my answer is "NO THANKS, OLD MAN." because i can't see myself sitting across a dinner table from you WITHOUT the compulsion to spit in your face. YOU told mom that you hoped times haven't been "too tough" for me??? gee thanks, your thoughtfulness is overwhelming. NO, it wasn't completely humiliating to beg strangers for money, and no dealing with OTHER PEOPLES bankruptcies is great fun for a man in his young twenties trying to build his life.

maybe you should have thought about all this shit before you disowned me, Do you get it yet, OLD MAN??? you lost me. and you're gonna have to work a hell of a lot harder to get me back, because from where im sitting... YOU'RE THE NEEDY ONE!!! hahahahah.

im sorry that wifey #6 divorced you. mebbe it's time to find #7 and leave your ex-family alone.

i hope this post gets a shit ton of comments!!!

posted by John  # 5:38 PM