Anti abandons the internet.

it's finally over, thank fucking god.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

 
i'm so fucking happy for happy people. ROCK ON with their badass selves! but sometimes don't you just want to smear a pile of steaming dogshit in their face when they just WON'T shut up about how awesome their situation is going, "life's great, you're happy, i get it, now pass me a brew-ha-ha, and spare me the marry poppins story."

lord only knows why they are so shit-eatingly happy. maybe it's further proof that ignorance is bliss. and even though they say, "if ya can't beat them, join them." i'm going to hold my ground and NOT sink to that level.

even though stupidity and a well sharpened drill bit to the forehead seem rather tempting.

you've got that sinking feeling again, dont you? like when the butterflies in your stomach have taken permanant residency and you WISH TO GOD (if there is one) that you could find a way to stomach some nurishment.

another day in paradise? hardly.do you know who you are anymore? you'd like to think so... but you've got your doubts.

all you know is that the mirror hasn't been your friend lately, and only because you don't like who glares back that sad face at your every single time.

how can anything be truly great or good when it's always tainted with bad vibes and uncomfortable overtones?

sometimes you walk up to the buffet line with your plate, and without realizing it, you scoop up so much onto your plate that there is no way you can eat it all... BUT YOU TRY. and you stuff your face, and over indulge, and make yourself sick, because normal people aren't suppsed to injest THAT much mac-n-cheese. life can work quite the same way.

everyone's lips are sealed, and they have nothing to say anymore. THEY DO, but they don't say it, they harbor it, and wait for you to read their minds.

the pressure is getting to you tho, because mind reading ain't your fucking specialty, no matter how hard you fucking try.

you're tired of making choices AT ALL and tired of being held accountable for making the world a happier place; you never wanted that job. the guilt is eating you alive.

i'd love to spread words of encouragement, like, "hang in there, bro!" or "everything usually works out, so don't sweat it!", but that barely works anymore.

i was reminded recently that what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger. but is that all that true?? maybe something won't kill me, but it will make me bat-shit-insane. surviving a situation shouldn't always be looked at like a boy scout merrit badge.

badges? BADGES? we shit on steenking badges, mon.

believe me when i say that the answer is clear you're just too close to see it. like when the great subway train artists of the mid 70's would paint their wildstyle masterpieces... the trains in the yards were parked so close together, that they could never actually stand back and see the big picture all at once.

well i have good news and i have bad news. the bad news is that shit is not going to change today, and it's not going to change tomorrow.

BUT the good news is that it will change, and you can bank on that because you know that you want it to change bad enough to be working towards that goal (no matter how distant the goal seems.) and your current state of misery is an incentive plan to make things right, and better.

i'm gonna count on my friends, and the few family members i trust, because i know that they count on me in the same way, because we are eachother's safety nets, and we're to make sure that no-one in OUR circle has too hard a fall if we can help it.

sure the light at the end of the tunnel won't be seen tomorrow, but that doesn't mean you can't try and make tomorrow as painless as humanly possible.






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Tony Pierce