Anti abandons the internet.

it's finally over, thank fucking god.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

 
Never use the dim light of "good intentions" to guide your decision making processes. What are good intentions??? To me that all depends on who you are asking, and what their definition of good is. It's similar to the idea "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"...

As human beings we tend to create mental images of what we see happening in our immediate future... We do it with a lot of things from picturing what your wedding day might look like, to picturing how your dentist appointment might go. WITH THAT SAID, let me inform you that when you create a mental picture of how you think/want things to turn out.... You just lost.

You Lose because things never turn out the way you want them to, and now you are constantly setting yourself up for disappointment. And the shittiest thing is that it's a hard habit to break.

what is normal anymore anyways?

life sucks because it's constantly evolving, and that little slice of time that you liked will probably never duplicate itself ever again. All you got are the memories, and even those fade way too fast.

a new situation might cause you to take inventory on lots of things in your life. How happy am I? Do I like my friends? Is this where I want to work? Is this how I want to live?

it's scary asking yourself such questions... Some answers are better left unknown.... That is unless you don't fear radical change in your life.

peaceful days? God, that seems like years ago...

I find in strength wherever I can, and I am constantly looking for inspiration. You'd be surprised how the little things make the biggest of differences.

every once in a while something magical happens and I find the strength I need WITHIN myself.

a sense of duty will get you a long way, so will a good worth ethic. The strength comes from need. Be strong or die.

perhaps you didn't already know: I am so selfish, that I drive away people that love me. I make people crazy. I'm a childish loser who can't comprehend anyone other than himself. Yeah, I'm beating up on myself... No that doesn't make it untrue.

I tend to believe things that people tell me when they are repeated to me over and over again, and by many different people. I'm going to be a very sad and lonely man.

it's made easier to believe because: I am already a sad and lonely man.

for whatever reason, the strangers who read my blog assume I'm out all night long lapping up the good life... I wish...

the truth is, I'm home alone, half naked on my couch, rubbing my feet together, pretending to care about soap operas and talk shows. Feeling SORRY for myself.

is that not the epitome of pathetic? I mean sure... There is no shame is feeling lonely, or BEING alone... But feeling sorry for yourself? Just exactly who do I think I am?

lately I am embarrassed at what I see when I look in the mirror, and taking inventory of my behavior seems to make me nauseated. I'm a pathological monster who unwillingly demolishes everything in his sights. I don't want to talk abou t it antmore...

know what my mom told me her idea was? Well my birthday is roughly two weeks away, and she said that I should invite my DAD to the birthday dinner. She said that he is playing a game by making us hate him, and that it would take all the wind out of his sails if we went out to eat with him.

I was paralyzed when she told me this. I couldn't even breathe. I mean, who's side is she on exactly?

can someone please put me in a bath tub full of NyQuil, and just leave me there for a few months...? It will seep into my skin and I will hibernate, and maybe when I wake up I won't hate myself so much. Maybe just a tiny bit less...

I'm to cowardly to ever kill myself. All I would ever do I run away and take myself... "Off the radar" I guess. But I think I'm too scared to even do that.

I'd like to be brave for once in my life, and have the balls to just KNOW what I should KNOW. "bite the bullet, and flare your nostrils in adversity's face." never doubt what you should already KNOW.






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Tony Pierce