Anti abandons the internet.

blogging on the weekend sucks, because you know that the odds of anyone reading what you write are slim to none. it's the weekend for crying out loud, people have lives... they can't alway pretend to care about my humdrum life. but on MEMERIAL DAY weekend? i might as well be writing in my spiral notebook, no one is looking here.

but... lack of attention has never stopped me from a full throtle tantrum. a trainwreck doesn't NEED an audience.

so because im born on june 7th, and that makes me a full blown gemini, does that really mean i suffer from extreme duality? i say that we all have combatting forces within ourselves, and that asrtology is hocus pocus.

i parallel between humping the sky and shouting "aww yea", and staring off into the distance silent and isolated.

i struggle between being my best and on top of my game, to barely having enough ambition to wipe my own ass.

i think humans forget that emotions are no different than hardcore street drugs. sobriety does not mean that you didn't snort, smoke, eat, drink, or otherwise injest something... sobriety mean that you are calm and in control of your emotions as well.

do people who are filled with rage make wise decisions? do persons who are sobbing and blithering with tears think clearly?

anger, pain, jealousy, pride, EGO... if you let these feelings take over your being... you are as "drunk" as the local wino hanging out by the train station.

knowing what you SHOULD know, being secure with yourself, acting right, being selfless, owning up to RESPONSIBLITY. being an adult.

im not a little kid anymore, i can't blame this or anything on my parents and how innapropiately they did or didn't raise me. we're all equally fucked up from our weirdo parents, and our kids are goin gto b e fucked up from US. that's just life. it's not a contest to see who has the most pain.

being an adult means you pull yourself up by your boot straps, suck it up when it's hard to suck it up, and grin and bear it while it sucks because you are mature enough to hold out for delayed gratification.

you tell yourself, "sure it sucks now, but it will be worth it when i hit the light at the end of the tunnel...." and it's true, and every ouce of suffering and strife amke the glory that much more victorious.

it's about follow through. how empty is a promise that isn't kept? oh i get it... you TRIED to keep the promise until it was a "hassle" and then you dropped the ball and turned into a sleazy no good WELCHERRRRRR

people are like ants, and when i was a kid i used to kill ants for fun. so whats that tell you?

i derno.

this i know: stupid people are everywhere, cool people are a dime a dozen, and every once in a while... maybe once or twice a year... you meet someone who is genuinely kickass in their own awesome and original way.

i have work tomorrow, and i am rambling about something that doesn't even make sense to me anymore. too many heinekens? not enough heinekens?

damn yall... i wish i could blog from my bed. im tires. peace out.