Anti abandons the internet.

it's finally over, thank fucking god.

Friday, March 25, 2005

this is more old shit that lots of you ahve already read. if you already read it. ignore this post. it's ancient anyways, so you might want to ignore it regardless.

anti's guide to getting dumped


the best way to get dumped is by being a nice guy. I've gotten dumped more times for that one than anything. Nice is good... Girls do like nice guys, but the nice guy routine gets all boring and shit, and the girl can't help but lose interest. An asshole is always fun, but being an asshole can get your ass canned as well. Although it's less likely. I wanted out of my last relationship, thought being an asshole would work, and it didn't. It only made me resent her more for not dumping me, and finally I had to cut her. My first time being the dumper. But let's not focus too much on how to GET dumped... Guys typically don't need much help in that department anyways. This is to teach you how to BE dumped. As in, what to do with your sorry ass after your already dumped. And so I'll start with this... Never try and talk her out of it. Her fucking mind is made up bro, and you begging like that makes you look pathetic, and needy, and being needy is not attractive. It's disgusting. Simply accept her new terms, and offer no argument. This is good to do because if you want her back, she'd only come back on the basis you didn't act too foolish while getting dumped. And if you don't want her back, or want out... Just play it cool and easy going, don't rush it. If you're smooth you might trick her into banging you "one last time", so you can "remember" it. She can even stay over "one last time", but be careful... All the relationship rules have changed and are being re-written. Write some of your own! Like, "sorry Hun, but if we're broken up, I feel weird about you sleeping over..." Who cares that it doesn't make sense for you to feel uncomfortable with that, and perfectly ok with sex? Not me senior.

the aftermath:

the days following the break up you need to exercise some self control. Don't call her with wimpy, "I was just thinking about you..." Phone calls. Don't attempt to make plans to "do lunch", if you do call someone, call your guy friends who you've totally neglected during this whole vacation in girlfriend-land. They don't miss you. They don't care that you disappeared. And they're happy to see you. I know, I know... They're all stupid, and childish. But so are you! So go get jiggy with it. One thing that is very helpful with the aftermath phase is getting laid right away. What better way to forget about what a dumped-loser you are than to have totally meaningless sex with a stranger? No better way. In fact if you can pull that off, skip calling your annoying friends. They will be useless at this point anyways. Oh and when/if she calls you... Be polite but ambiguous. You don't owe her anything anymore, but there's no need to be nasty. Plus... You don't want to burn any bridges, what if she's got hottie friends? Because whoever her friends are know all about the sounds you make while fucking, and have been told the details of your dink so clearly that they know what it looks like better than you do, so... They might be down for some fun. So just be nice enough to get off the phone, and to not earn a jerky name for yourself.

moving on:

if you played your cards right during the aftermath... Moving on should be a no brainer. This involves totally not caring about the ex and how you got dumped, and for some guys, it involves hating her. Sometimes you have no choice except to love or hate someone... Like it has to be one or the other, with no in between. Try not to hate her though... Hate is just too passionate a feeling. Let it go. I mean, you're a guy... What the fuck do you care about closure for? sheesh. A big mistake guys in the "moving on" phase make is getting a new girlfriend too fast. Slow down turbo. What's the rush? Or another common mistake is to over-react to the gossip about your ex's new flingboy. Such an over-reaction can send you straight back to the aftermath phase, and you will need to start all over. The ideal reaction would be, "she's gotta new guy? So who cares?". Be warned you'll never forget most of these girls, especially the ones you loved. Just remember that she was only practice for the next one, and so on... That's what gets me through it

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Tony Pierce