Anti abandons the internet.

you're not gonna fool me anymore VERIZON you shitty ass joke of a company. I don't know how or why I randomly threw a dart in your direction when I was originally setting up this piece of shit telephone line you pricks set up for me.

thanks for that, too. A phone number that is one digit off from the local animal hospital... All grandma has to do is dial 379-xxxx instead of 376-xxxx, and I get the pleasure of telling her that fluffy DIED a cruel death because we confused her cat with the firewood we had in the office.

DEAREST VERIZON, you are playing games with me on my telephone bill, I can see it now. I never looked before because all those numbers and random bullshit fees always made me too angry. But I was a fool, and I DEMAND you re-send me copies of each and every invoice from the last year. I call bullshit.

right before I left for new York in this year, it was the beginning of February, and I forked over $244 to get my phone turned back on. Not to mention that after I paid the payment IN PERSON, you all took your sweet fucking time turning my shit back on, forcing me to waste the precious pre-pay cell phone minutes I have.

nextly! I get this bill today in the mail, and February ain't even over, and you're telling me I owe $100.

I don't even USE my fucking phone, where is this bullshit coming from?!?!?!

I see, there's my $17 dollar charge for the initial phone service, I see the costs for long distance and my highspeed DSL internet connection.... BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS $26 DOLLAR RECONNECTION SHIT ALL ABOUT?!?!??!

that's just like ass fucking a person in a deep coma.

I think this is about where you and I, and our year long lambada (the forbidden dance) comes to a tragic-for-you ending.

see these stoned dollars that get thrown at telephone invoices that are 90% unread and unchecked for mistakes, and erroneous billing practices that I NOW KNOW you think are kosher with good old antideezy.

all I ever really wanted was the DSL, no one calls me at home anyways. I just have that shit so the pizza man can be buzzed in at the front door, and because you FUCKING LEECHES told me I couldn't have a DSL line without a phone line. I call bullshit, and I'm so high, that my vision just crystallized and I can see you for what you are now. A horrible monster of a phone company. I bet you're almost half as evil as SBC.

so now I can get my internet OTHER WAYS. Yes, it's true, I have seen the light, and a new path for me has come into my focus.

and this $26 reconnection fee? You're gonna have to pry it out of my cold dead hands. You know how long I dangled a carrot in front of MCI worldcom's faces for their money? Those lousy sons of bitches.

take your call waiting, your caller ID, your call forwarding, your *69, and cram it all up your hairy fudgepackin ass. I never wanted any part of any of it. I think a ringing telephone is satan's incarnate here on earth, and consider this anti's exorcism. "HEEEEEEEEEERE'S JOHNNY!"

I think the only consequences are higher pre-pay cell phone costs, and the inability to "buzz in the pizza man" which I am sure is for the best... I eat to much greasy bad-for-me pizza as it is.

I'm a cigarette smoker, I don't need to add to my unhealthy list.

I'd ask you, VERIZON, how you feel for basically doing to me what Liza Manelli apparently does to men. I'm gonna go play for the other team, guys... From here on out it's Cable TV Bills and whatever comes with THAT territory.

at the very least, if I'm gonna pay over $300 in one month, I should be seeing titties on skinnemax.

they still do that on skinnemax like non-stop don't they? great.

see that? That's my middle finger as I drive away. har har. bye bye Verizon.

catch me if you can...