Anti abandons the internet.

it's been a while since i had anyone i felt i could call in the middle of the night when i wake up in a cold sweat all freaked out and shooken up.

i don't think most people are blessed with that luxury of someone to call upon. we're here alone, desolate and in solitude. naked and ugly.

you can't be Mr or Mrs "everything's a-ok" all the time, because it's a heavier burden to bear since atlas held the world on his shoulders. or more than anyone can fit on their plate.

and mainly because everything's NOT a-ok hunky dory cherry pie. it's just not. it's all fucked up and and twisted and bent out of shape, like a mexican wire coat hanger TV antenna.

what is real. what is the truth. who am i. these are very clear statements that can get blurred faster than Wyle E. Coyote can get hit with an A.C.M.E. anvil. it's true.

fellowship is a state of mind, and really we're always alone. because who could ever truly know you 100%, and know ALL your thoughts? but what a sad way to go out, eh?

i believe you are as alone as you choose to feel, becuase if you look around, you'll see that everyone's been there the whole time. you've just been shutting them out and isolating yourself.

but who's to throw judgement, man? not me. i only got control of how i live mi vida loca.

besides being alone isn't scary. it's wonderful. ask yourself why you're affraid to be alone...

i think a healthy practice (especially because i love stimulants so much) is to shut off everything. turn off the humming sound of your computer, the slight buzz from your fan. shut off all the lights, the music, and the TV. don't smoke. don't talk. BE alone.

close your eyes, and with out any stimulation, let your thoughts carry you wherever they may go. but be warned, it might be gut wrenchingly ugly and painful. sometimes there's a reason we avoid ourselves so much.

so no, i haven't had anyone i can call when im freaking out in a LONG ASS time, but i dont need one anymore.

i'm all i need.