Anti abandons the internet.

it's all in the words you choose. the picture you paint in your head, for yourself to look at. for every possible outlook on something there's a clever little analogy to make it sound as though it's a great idea.

i once said to my buddy that she shouldn't seek out revenge on her ex-boyfriend who was shit talking her, "mannn, the waters are fairly calm, you don't want to rock the boat, now do you?"

she replied, "Anti you can't be an ostrich with your head in the sand, shutting everything out."

so was i right? we both have catchy little phrases that help to bolster our point of view. but at the end of the day, one believes what they want to believe. i wasn't right, neither was she... it's all subjective.

why is accepting blame so hard to do? it's near impossible for me. i CAN accpet blame, but only if it's an over-the-top, drama-fest-fiasco, in which i steal the spotlight, and i center the attention around myself.

i'm also the helpless victim who is so "traumatized" all the time, that i need to be pasified with everyone's empathy.

if you read this shite and you have ever felt compelled to pat me on the head and say, "now, there there anti, it's going to be ok..." then you KNOW what a little weasle manipulator i am.

when i was a real estate appriaser a few years back, they had a saying, "you're only as good as your last appraisal." which meant, that if you are a great and talented appraiser, that all means jack shit the minute you turn in a shitty appraisal. no one remembers the good work you did a few jobs ago... they're just sitting there staring at the piece of shit you turned in and signed. they're making that face... like they just smelled poo.

well in life i think that sometimes you are only as good as the last time you hung out. so if you were a total pain in the ass last time, guess what, you just moved down the totem pole of priority. it's true. and you can redeem yourself as well, and if we ever hang out again, and you show some form of act right, you might get bumped back up to "person i'm willing to call" status.

track records, and past history mean nothing to me. im dealing with the you of today, not the nice-guy-version that existed in the past. the new you killed the nice guy you, in cold blood.