Anti abandons the internet.

it's finally over, thank fucking god.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

I wanted to squeeze out an entry before the painkillers close my eyes for the next 10-12 hours, as they do.

it's hard to admit when you're wrong. It's hard on so many levels, because a lot of the time you're hanging on to the idea of "IM so right!" so fucking hard to protect your fragile pride and balsa wood ego.

you know what? No one can dis-respect you, if you choose not to feel disrespected. It sounds insane, I know... I thought so too... But it's NOT.

and people have respect all backwards anyways. "SHOW ME THE RESPECT I DESERVE! DAMMIT"

well... Ok. but. That's not how it works, son.

respect isn't something you get for free. you only get it by behaving RESPECTFULLY.

it's a frame of mind, a way of life, and really it's about being part of your own problems or part of your own SOLUTIONS. but taking ownership of who you are what you're feeling. YOU DID THIS. you own it. look in the mirror and hate THAT person, if you have to hate someone. because this finger pointing makes you look childish.

but see, it's not easy either. it's diificult to face the truth, when the truth is, you're WRONG. you are. and you know it, but you're running from it.

this doesn't mean the other person was RIGHT. they were wrong too. everyone's wrong, and a big baby, and wah wah my feeelings my feelings, whoopteedoo.

join the club. your hurt and pain isn't special.

no one's is.

i've always believed in SHOWING NO SHAME, or at least finding something you're ashamed of, and exploiting so much, and doing so until you have wrapped your head around it enough... and you stare at it in the face... and say "FUCK YOU." because being ashamed is the only thing people should be ashamed of. but...

i have a new policy. and that's don't "prove" anything to anyone.

that whole "i'll show THEM" mentality is whack, yo. can't you see that the longer you live your life to "show them" is the longer that "they" have control of your life.

ok so you grew up to be a doctor because your mom told you one day that she didn't think you could do it. great, the world loves doctors, and i bet that really SHOWED HERRRRR. but what about your life long dream to be a circus clown who juggles chainsaws? did you forget? are you sad you ended up being the adverse effect of what some lady who birthed you said? i would be...

it's funny that in a country that has given it's citizens (LITERALLY) the right to life liberty and the persuit of happiness, well over 60% of the population is clinically depressed. where's all this happiness we're after? it appears many are having a hard time with such a persuit.

to me being a great american is NOT being a sad lonely rich white man, surrounded by ass kissers with their hand out, contributing to the rich-get-richer cycle. all the money in the world doesn't buy the feeling you get bombing a hill on your old school santa cruz skateboard weaving through traffic and laughing your ass off. it's true.

i say we need to be more like superman, and isntead of fighting the good fight in honor of some warped idea of respect, we let the bullets bounce off our chest while we smirk into the camera, and raise an eyebrow for that added "dont i make this look easy" effeft.

you have to ask yourself where you draw the line as well. let's say a homeless crackhead with one tooth left in his whole head throws an insult in your direction. do you waste your time and get into a big verbal war with the idiot? no. you don't care because: who the fuck is that guy?!

and really you dont care or bother with it because you could care less what some dumbass, who couldn't even keep his teeth in his head, thinks about you.

well get this... the world in general... is JUST LIKE THAT ONE TOOTHED BASTARD! it's sooo soo true. and you know it. see, they may not be missing all their teeth, but they sure are dumbassed.

it's very easy to flip it, you'll see once you start doing it.

something that was morbidly annoying, can also be viewed as 100% hilarious. it's all in how you choose to deal with it.

ok this post was a little all over the place so i'd life to list off what i want you to get from this. to make it crystal clear.
life's messy.
you're wrong.
admit it.
live your life for you.

ok... lay down time...

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Tony Pierce