Anti abandons the internet.

i sensed the urgency in whitey's voice the minute i picked up the phone. he said he was calling because:

1. i was one of a handful of people that knew the whole story, and could relate to what was upsetting him and...

2. he knew i'd be up (it was 2:30am)

ryan said he was at the beach with a pal, they were drinking, and he was taking inventory of his friends, and thought about a mutual buddy of ours from the past (named Chris Morreau) that he'd like to have come up from LA to visit him...

the thing is, chris hung himself in his parents backyard years and years ago. chris is dead.

at this point whitey is on the verge of tears, telling me how upset he is, because man... it's FUCKED up that chris is dead. it's such a shame, and extremely sad.

i, personally, never forgave chris for taking his own life. i understand it's none of my business, and chris had a lot of things he was suffering through, like a deformation in his spine that caused him agonizing pain... pain that was so bad he became a junkie living off the dope he could score off the backrooms of mexican panderias in downtown LA.

did i mention chris had three younger sisters that were all still in grade school...? and when he hung himself, he did it in his parents backyard.

like ok, i guess someone was mad at their family...

but selfishness like that, it makes me angry. i didn't even go to chris's funeral... i didn't appreciate my friend putting me through that... as selfish as that sounds. and really i was mad not just cuz of how i felt, nobody gives a fuck about me, but those poor little sisters of his, and his poor loving parents. even his cousin kimmie whom he shared an apartment with... i wonder how THEY all felt. because it appeared their lives were never gonna be the same.

anyways, i tried to calm whitey down, realizing that he JUST NOW let it sink in that chris DIED. i mean, sometimes it takes years to allow yourself to comprehend shit like that.

i had whitey's back...

i told him how i felt, and what shit i've already gone through in my head that was similar... and whitey appeared to calm down, and we agreed taht it was just fuct, and that bong hits were in order, and we each hung up the phone...