Anti abandons the internet.

Chrystal was my first girlfriend ever. i haven't seen and/or talked to her since i slammed the door in her face in 1998 and ended things for us for GOOD.

it was a long and sorted first love, like they all are.

i had first heard of her my sophmore year on the first day of school. my friends were goofing on her name. chrystal herron. saying it sounded so drugged out, almost like chrystal meth heroin. but not really.

anyways, my last class of the day had her in it. it was math class. wich was tight cuz that meant we'd have 6th period together all year long.

but i was the world's biggest pussy back then. seriously. i dont know what i was always so affraid of. rejection ain't no big whup in the end. bitches ain't shit, right?

so i blew it. i even had tons of chances all year long. being grouped up with her in different settings or what not. i just had no game. and she made me nervous... and i felt like everyone could see how nervous i must have obviously looked.

well i felt like it was a sign when the following school year i had her in my spanish class. holy shit, man. and the seating chart placed me square next to her hot lil ass. so for whatever reason (prolly because my friends were lying and saying they were getting laid, even tho they totally weren't) i felt compelled to MAKE it happen, and i somehow got the balls to get her number. shit man.... i even called her. i didn't even hang up the phone after dialing the number a million times, a la 'kevin arnold' from the wonder years. i barrelled through, talked to her, and made plans for the saturday coming up.

so things went smoothley for a while, although i had to put up with some BULLSHIT i'd never have put up with these days. like... she hooked up with one of my best friends when her and i hadn't even hooked up yet, she strung me along and sorta used me, and then she was starting to get fresh with ANOTHER one of my friends when i decided i was still learning, and had just learned what to avoid. HER. i even got sweet on some other girl named nicole patton. fuck she was hotter than chrystal anyways. and i think she really liked me.

but sho nuff, the whole nicole thing never happened. i guess chrystal saw she was gonna lose me, and for some reason cared. oh joy, thanks a million. pshhh.

so that night i was sposed to go and call and see nicole, chrystal finally puts out, and i lose my virginity. i was 17 years old.

and i never talked to nicole again.

chrystal and i dated for like almost 2 and a half years. and it wasn't easy. our fights were intense, the sex lasted all day, and i dumped her the day she came over to my house trying to hide these HUGE hickeys with her hair. she had one on each side of her neck, and they were both the size of a silver dollar at LEAST.

we still kinda saw eachother and messed around a bit, even though she had gotten a new boyfriend by then and his name was john, just like mine. whata diss. i hate being a john sometimes.

but ultimately i realized that she was a man eater of sorts. and that she was evil. and had a heart made of stone, and that the longer i was around her, the more my self esteem would crumble to nothingness.

even her cousin had my back and was telling me, "man she's just a bitch. you should get a better chick."

so that was it. i decided she was fired. and i was gonna CUT HER OUT of my life. and i did. i just stopped returning her pages, and instructed my mom who i lived with to tell her i was "out" if/when she ever called the house.,p>but i wasn't expecting her to just SHOW UP like she did... and i nearly shit a brick when my mom came into my room and said, "chrystal is at the door, she knows you're here, she saw your truck..."

i said... "shit!"

mom said, "c'mon johnny... you gotta deal with this finally..."

so, i went out there. and i told her to back off, leave me alone, and never talk to me again. and she pulled out all the stops and cried and balled at me, "WHYYYYY ARE YOU DOINGGGGG THISSSSSSSSS?!?!?!?!"

but i just slammed the door in her face.

sometimes i wonder though...

maybe she'd still let me hit it.