Anti abandons the internet.

i had to masterbate twice before getting out of bed today. and then once again later. yeah. it's one of those kinda days.

i've never been a bigtime porn watcher. it was always interesting to me in a kinda clinical sense. but porn doesn't make my dick hard. nope. not really.

i rely on my imagination. i close my eyes, and imagine the craziest shit. the whackin off fantasies are basically the same theme though, an example being that the swedish bikini team kidnapped me so that they all could worship me, and give me BJ's... and hold me hostage as their sex slave. YOU know, the typical ridiculous guy fantasy crap.

as an experiment, i've tried to get the job done with my left hand. and know what? it ain't happenin. imma righty i spose.

i remember in grade school sex ed class, the teacher told all us young pervotrons, and i quote,
"You do not need to masterbate every single time you get an erection..."
oh don't i? i disagree motherfucker.

masterbating with a condom on or in the shower is the least messiest ways.

i've had ex girlfriends who didn't understand beating off. they thought that because they were giving me sex, i shouldn't have a desire to masterbate. men will always masterbate, to us it's something that has to be done regularly, like shaving our faces, or ummm takin a piss. so ladies, don't take it personal.

i never use any lotions or vasoline or nothin like that.

i've masterbated while driving, in the restaraunt bathroom while on a date, at every job i've ever had, and basically every other innapropiate time you can think of.

thank god nobody can read minds, because the nasty shit i think abou to get off is straight up WRONGGGGG. i am one sick and twisted fucker.

this one time, when i was spankin the bacon, i guess there was a lot in there, and it shot out and hit my face... sum even got in my eye. and lemme tell you... that shit burns when it hits the eye.

i wash my hands all the time, and people have no idea how thankful they should be for that.

ok, if you read this whole post... you're far too interested.