somewhere in between the grapevine and bakersfield, northbound on I-99, my car's engine starts shaking around, and putters a bit before it totally dies on me, and i'm fucking stranded. with a dead cell phone. and i got like 3 hours till i need to be at work
so i run to the shell gas station i can see in the distance, and call my mom, my boss, and AAA. triple a said,
"the tow truck will be there in 20 minutes."
it fucking nearly took me that long to run to the gas station, so i book it back to the car at full blown ninja speed.
where the fuck is that tow truck??? there're not coming. they drove by and didn't see me. i decide to turn the key... the engine turns over, "put put put put...." it dies. something in my mind convices me that i'm just low on gas. so i RUN AGAIN back to the shell station, buy myself a five gallon gas can, filler up, and book it back to my truck where i pour that shit in. it didn't do a god damned thing. nothing changed.
so i figure the tow truck totally flaked on me, i run BACK TO THE GAS STATION, and as soon as i walk inside, my payphone starts ringing,
i say as i hold the greasy diseased reciever to my face,
they say... and proceed to tell me that they're AT my truck, and have been WAITING for me for several minutes. well... sorry to inconveniance those dumb fucks.
my truck is up, locked, and loaded, and me and tow-truck-boy are off to the nearest chevy dealership, where THOSE pole smokers tell me, "gee whiz i hope yer ass has someplace to stay the night..."
are they fucking kidding me?
at this point i say fuck it, because i need to get to work... which btw, without a car, is like, fucking ridiculous.
so i show up at work, finally get a place to plug in my beyond dead cell phone, and call everyone person i ever met and or knew or even fucking just HEARD of, and begged for a ride. my cousin's busy, my boss is in the hospital, bigtanky isn't answering her phone, breetard is at school all day, dreddy has some important appointments and "hates to drive that much", my mom is at work and can't be reached, i don't know my sister's phone numbers, and brooklyn zoo is a fucking retard.
i was so desperate i even called B hart, Radke, and Guido. yes i was THAT desperate.
but then... kinda as a joke to myself... i called whitey's cell phone in santa cruz... and the nigga called back!!!
then he even told me he could be here in time for me to get off work...
that's when i notice none of my usual crew of sign walkers (aka guys who stand on a street corner with a sign for 5 hours a day)... are there.
so like finding a whole new crew off the street if always a bitch. add the fact that i'm on foot, holding four 8 foot tall signwalking signs in my hands, and looking like a highschool stoner... well that just makes it even more retarded. but man, i find some black dude selling candy bars for a dollar... "know anyone who wants to make some cash today, my man?" he jumped at the chance. and as i walked with him, and our huge embarassing signs, we asked every asshole off the street if they felt like making some quick cash. i finally gave up and had him call his wife. BAM. two down.
so i grab my remaining signs, and shove off in the direction of the other intersection we need walkers at. and i see two dudes at the bus stop, and recruit them like that. and then we all take the bus together to their spots.
accomplishing all i did today is unheard of without a car. replacing my whole crew succesfully?? and while i'm on foot?! i'll wait here while you make up the gold fucking medal, and throw me a party.
now i'm stranded. i didn't sleep a wink last night either... the plan was to sleep in the truck. i even brought a real pillow. now i'm here at kinko's. and i just realized that i left my cigs in the car, and the car is in the dealership, and the dealership is like BFE from here.
so yeah, i'm lucky to have a friend like whitey who'd drop his job interview, and drive to rescue me from the hell that is my existence. it's now 12:31pm... and i need to take a crap, and i'm hoping, for their sake, that kinko's has a plunger. actually i could care less. muahahahah.
and don't forget my truck... everyone pray to the gods that it's not my transmission. puhhhhhhhhhlease.
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