Anti abandons the internet.

it's finally over, thank fucking god.

Wednesday, May 14, 2003

 
within 48 hours 3 ppl told me seperatley that i resemble keanu reeves. i hope they meant it as in ted theadore logan, esq. and not something gay. and the other ppl think i look like "that guy" they know. i have familiar face disease, i guess.

i'd make a shitty spy, cuz everyone would think they already knew me from somewhere. but the fact that i appear to not have an accent might help. i always thought i said "like" and dude" and "bro" too much, but i guess so does the whole world. well, maybe not mexico. they say amigo.

my birthday is june 7th, please keep my presents under $1,000, or i feel guilty for it. no i won't. email ruttedout@yahoo.com for shipping addresses. ninjagirl... thanks for the early gifts. you get to die and go to heaven. send post cards to hell for me.


Rage a hol. And temper flare ups. Fuck them. I stay calm typically… only after much provocation will I snap, and when I do it tends to be ugly. But it’s never un-warranted, and never prolonged. Although I always feel ashamed when I lose it.

I’ve punched walls leaving my knuckles a bloody scabbed mess and I can’t even get a lighter outta my jeans without being reminded. I’ve broken things that are either expensive or not, replaceable or not, mine or not. I’ve called out fat girls for being fat, spit on people, thrown whatever was handy, screamed my voice away. Yep… calm, cool, rock steady anti has anger fits like all humans. Believe it.

Anger management is a skill I do posses though, and that’s why the frequency of these out bursts are really low. I don’t like losing control. And I guess that’s why I’m not much of a drinker, more of a pot smoker. Pot is so mild and shit... I’m able to maintain control. Anger is a drug in the sense that you’re not sober when you’re all raged out. You make lousy choices, and do irrational things. Too much of any emotion does that shit to a dude. Once I was so happy I straight up ran into a glass door and banged my face. And once I was so sad that I porked a fat chick. What was I fecking thinking, eh? (Canadian accent shit coming thru)

Some people have it really bad though. They can’t keep their shit under wraps at all. The anger consumes them. They become these screaming violent balls of fury, and you’d better prepare to face the wrath or get the fuck outta dodge man. My ex roommate was so psycho that he’d get his ass kicked in road-rage wars, and punch a few holes in his bedroom door when the simpsons wasn’t on cuz of some news break, or sporting event thingy. In the end he kicked me out (yes HE kicked ME out) because in a typical temper fit he accused me of stealing his homework. And shit man… I didn’t even go to school at that time. I wish I DID steal it though. That would be classic. Tacky… but classic.

So what’s my point? I’ve never really had one, except on top of my head.

Anti the pin-head signing off.






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