Anti abandons the internet.

it's warm, the sun is shining... i have a severe case of bedhead.... it must be time for work!!

"hi, i'm here to inspect the house"
my friend wrote this to her other friend who i sorta know, and then had me read it. and it rules.

M is for mediocre

do you have any idea how afraid i am. i am scared of everything. but most of all i am afraid to be alive. i had never been afraid of that before - not until recently....that is. who are we? what are we doing? we are nobody and we are doing nothing. nothing labowski - NOTHING. You know - i was so naive; I soooo thought i knew when i had no idea. I thought it had to get better but the thing that i am realizing is that it doesn't HAVE to do anything. certainly NOT. and certainly not better (which is just an abstraction anyways). everything is an illusion. and nobody is ever going to tell me how to be again. I always used to wonder, when am i going to grow up and BE something. when will i be a woman and not a girl. well, none of that shit matters. its all an illusion - girl, woman, success, maturity. those preconceived notions are never going to define anything for anyone. ever. and you cannot play by the rules and survive - but nobody has to be a dick about it. people who are dicks are miserable because they BOUGHT IT. they were had - and that's hard to handle. DON'T BE HAD. because THEY will try to fuck you. and they WILL fuck you. oh yes - they will....... and sometimes they'll make you do the fucking - and you will do it and hate your self for it but you will do it anyway - because somebody's got to do the fucking, right? I mean SOMEBODY!!!! wrong. nobody HAS to fuck anybody - and that is no illusion. shit is crafty and people are so crafty. and everyone has their agenda, agenda. but open your eyes......watch us watch you. see - that's what everybody says they're doing - but man, they're not doing that. because if they were.....well, because if they were we'd know it - because it would hurt. them and us. you know?! got it? fuck you - you don't got it. because there is no such thing as it. that's the thing. everyone is lying because its so scary to be alive. its not scary to die - that's as easy as getting fucked - you just pretty much close your eyes and wait until its over. but LIVING, man that's some scary shit because this is one fucked place to be......an inevitably you WILL fuck it all up...... but that's just it - by the very act of fucking it all up you activate that subtle randomness that allows you just the opportunity to escape - to get out. if you see it. do you see it? i cant see it but i KNOW its there. so, am i crazy? did i lose it? abso-fuckin-lutely. not. i am reaching out as an extension of myself and hating you. hating you for me. hating you because you hate me. do i validate you? i hope to fuck not. nothing is valid. not if you want it to be. if you want it, it is total bullshit and i will never give it to you. suffocate on all that want for all i care. i hope you drown in it. because that is just that and this is the way it is. choke on it. i do everyday. you emanate from all sides of me. i will use you to destroy everything. i bite at your eyes with the false teeth of a civilized society that will shit you out and cover you with dirt.