Anti abandons the internet.

it's finally over, thank fucking god.

Sunday, February 02, 2003

 
i used to wear glasses. it's true. i was a four-eyed geek. without my glasses everything in my life was a blurry piece of shit, unless it was within a three foot radius of myself.
just me and kermit chillin
so i got laser eye surgery.

they make it sound so easy, "oh suuuure... it'll only take 15 minutes. it'll be no sweat." and it DID only take 15 minutes. but the "no sweat" part was bullshit.

they told me that i'll have to stay awake, and do three things:
1. hold perfectly still, and straight.
2. never stop staring at the blinking red light.
and 3. keep both eyes open at all times

sounds easy enough, right? wrong. they put some clockwork orange eye-opener clamp thing on the eye they're working on, wich makes thing-i'm-supposed-to-do #3 near impossible. so they're all, "OPEN THAT OTHER EYE!!" and that makes me nervous, wich makes me break thing-i'm-supposed-to-do #1. so they're all, "STRAIGHTEN UP".

thing-i'm-supposed-to-do #2 ain't a walk in the park either. at this point, they've cut open a flap on my eyeball, sorta like a can of beans. that made the tiny little blinking red light blurry, and simultaneously making it look a million time bigger. it's like i'm staring at this huge blinking red sky. so i'm not even sure if i'm really looking at it... it's everywhere.

i would have totally pussed out if it weren't for those sexy nurses. oh, and the valium helped too. and now i can watch TV with my head on a pillow, and see that trees have leaves.





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Tony Pierce