Anti abandons the internet.

2007-07-16T12:59:00.000-07:00

visit LAist.com where you can find the only place i write anything online anymore.

2006-01-20T09:09:00.000-08:00

the only way to see my archives:

click HERE

and here's lots of old video.

Video archive by Mefeedia

2005-10-24T01:25:00.000-07:00

my favorite song righ tnow is Anthrax - I am The Law

i'm gonna be a fucking rockstawerrr cowboy, riding a broom stick and snap-buttons for easy access. I'm gonna drive like a stunt driver in a james bond movie, because i don't give a fuck if i'm driving a truck filled with my work shit. your Saab just got dusted. Ya heard me?

Super Sonic stylez, and things that only *I* think are cool, because i like to be solo in my ways. when i find a bar that no one else is at, i dance my way up to the bar and make friends with the bartender until we're enemies. 86'd again.

i don't feel guilty when i order more food then i can eat at a restaurant. and NO i won't take that shit home to eat for left overs. i don't wear a fucking watch or carry a cell phone, what makes you think i want to haul a gay ass little white bag full of "food that i couldn't into my wee lil old tummy...." for chrissakes?!?! now refill my pepsi before i deduct 50 cents from your tip.

i've decided the tops of sky scrapers if my preffered preferably. second row is still staring at some dumb fucks head in front of you, and hoping he doesn't move his head into that one position where you can't see jack shit.

having since given up on winning any popularity contests, i can safely say out loud that i've been bastard. a RAT bastard, and a lotta people deservedly hate my guts. and i hope to one day contact and formally apologize for to those folks... one day, far farrr away. rushing has never been what gives me boners.

and getting boners is whats its all about in the end. getting boners and humping the sky as if no one's watching. squeal like a pig, boy!!!

and in the end, it's all slipping away so fast. MY FUCKING LIFE is ending one second at a time, tic toc - kaboom.

i almost got cable TV, but then i remebered what i love, and its not the history channel. it's not even MTV, i know man.... how fucking nuts can i be, eh? but i like to be outSIDE, or drunk, or outside AND drunk... and smoking a joint, while i have a BONER!!!! see it's all circularrrrrr everything holding hands like some hippie sit-in fagfest supreme.

i'm going to get a crown tattooed around my skull BECAUSE IT FEELS FUCKING GOOD to be king. and in my insane, THC laced, foggy, SMALL SMALL world. i am king, judge, jury, and after i get my gun permit and my revolver... EXECUTIONER!!! on a side note... i rock hollow points.

2005-09-19T11:39:00.000-07:00

my dad wrote me a letter, and sent it to my mom's house. included in the letter was a Cashier's Check for $2,000.00 USD (roughly what the laptops he leased on my name cost) here is the letter transcribed:

Dear Johnny,
Here is a check that i realize is a small token toward the greif and misery i caused you by screwing up your credit report and history by using your social security number instead of mine.
Johnny, i failed to protect you, my son, then and even after the fact when you brought it to my attention, i failed you again by not repairing the situation with the laptop leasing company, and the collection agency.
i made a serious mistake that i know caused you greif and harmed yyour good credit standing. i blamed other people for the problem occuring and absolved myself from any wrong doing or responsibility, when it was in fact my fault that it happened at all. i'm so sorry that i didn't fix the problem after you reported it to me.
i have no good excuse or defense for letting you down and hurting you.
this should have never happened to you. as your father i will live with this mistake on my part forever.
Johnny, i truly pray for your forgiveness.
No matter what losses i have incurred in the last few years, the loss of our relationship hurts the most.
Johnny, i love you dearly. I am asking for a chance to earn your trust again and earn your respect again.
i promise you that i will never disappoint you again. my heart is heavy with sadness without you in my life.
i miss you very much, Love dad.

and he puts down his cell phone number. and you want to know what i'm going to do?? i'm going to call him, and i'm going to forgive him, and i'm going to cash this fucking check... maybe i'll buy some stock in Sirius Sattellite with the dough...

and the reason i've chosen to forgive my dad after all these years, is because i've been taught recently the importance of forgiving someone. EVEN WHEN THEY DON'T DESERVE IT.

especially someone you love.

2005-09-15T20:00:00.000-07:00

i'd like to give the world an explanation of why this is my last post forever. but that sounds so boring. just know that i won't miss a single soul. NOT A ONE, because i hate you all. you fucking suck.

and approaching my third solid year of writing everyday in this peice of shit has been... umm... a blast? whatever. figure it out without me from now on. and look for my name in your favorite magazine trying to be a freelance writer hack.

the internet was, is, and always will be... FOR LOSERS.

ps. please delete me from your blog roll. have a nice life.

2005-09-10T17:38:00.000-07:00

i simply HATE having daddy issues. i mean, aren't chicks supposed to be the ones with daddy issues? And yet, here i am... the years since my dad and i last spoke piling up faster than i ever imagined.

day to day, i don't even think about it, or about HIM. i can go a whole month without thinking about my dad. And i'm doing fine without him. i have clothes on my back, and a roof over my head. THATS ALREADY more than he ever thought possible without his help. IN YOUR FACE DAD!

And now all this. my mom stirred up the pot by contacting him, and my dad wants to "repair" his relationship with me.

i will tell you what my sisters have aggreed to already: Julie said, "thanks, but no thanks." ginger said, "maybe when im less busy" and carrie said, "let's do lunch, how's saturday sound?"

i thought about the terms i would present to my dad, and about what it would take for me to forgive him. the first idea was money, because he financially screwed me... and YES money would have to play a part in his "apology". but making it ONLY about money sort of implies my forgiveness is for sale. and it IS. but only half for sale, because it wouldn't be enough.

i need more from him than just $$$.

i think what i want from him, He is incapable of giving to me.... sad but true.

i want a REAL APOLOGY. i want him to admit that it was HIM that screwed me over, and not pass the buck or scapegoat. i want to hear him say to my face, "yes i fucked you over, and im really sorry about it. can you forgive me?" is that so FUCKING hard?

and i think that it might just be that. TOO HARD FOR HIM. we're talking about a man with an ego that is astronomical in size. he even makes MY ego look small!

i guess my mom has since told him my terms, and he said he would mail me a check for whatever amount i wanted... along with a letter he wants to write to me. IF I HAVE TO READ A LETTER FROM HIS LYING ASS then no thanks. i don't care if the check is for 20 thousand dollars. it's not worth it.

that wasn't all he said either, i guess he still was playing up the whole "im broke" lie. (how broke could he be? he has floor seats at the staples center for the clippers games, he drives a BMW, he lives on the strand in manhattan beach...) and along with the broke lie, he tried to back peddle and justify how he screwed me over. to me... that means nothing's changed in his head, and my fantasy of a REAL APOLOGY is as realistic as wishing i super powers.

SO HEY DAD, are you reading this??? my answer is "NO THANKS, OLD MAN." because i can't see myself sitting across a dinner table from you WITHOUT the compulsion to spit in your face. YOU told mom that you hoped times haven't been "too tough" for me??? gee thanks, your thoughtfulness is overwhelming. NO, it wasn't completely humiliating to beg strangers for money, and no dealing with OTHER PEOPLES bankruptcies is great fun for a man in his young twenties trying to build his life.

maybe you should have thought about all this shit before you disowned me, Do you get it yet, OLD MAN??? you lost me. and you're gonna have to work a hell of a lot harder to get me back, because from where im sitting... YOU'RE THE NEEDY ONE!!! hahahahah.

im sorry that wifey #6 divorced you. mebbe it's time to find #7 and leave your ex-family alone.

i hope this post gets a shit ton of comments!!!

2005-09-09T19:52:00.000-07:00

hey what's up dudes? i just rolled into the house, getting off a long day of driving my car around, and boy does it feel good to have ripped my shirt off. i somehow picked the shirt with the itchy collar, it was hell. i know... poor me. wahwah.

i'm just now using my feet to slide of my shoes, and using my elongated figer-like toes to peel off the socks. damn man. have i meantioned i love being barefoot yet? i think i have, but it's worth repeating.

dad update: my mother took it upon herself to contact my estranged father and urged him to repair his relationship with his four children. this could get intresting... i'll write about this very selectively, because he might even be reading right now... but i'll say this much, i have a lot of vitrol to spew still. i hope he can handle it.

anyways, it's friday, so go back / jack / do it again.

2005-09-08T14:31:00.000-07:00

here's my entry to the tony pierce book cover contest. don't you wish you had skills like mine? yeah i know.

2005-09-08T01:36:00.000-07:00

thankfully as human beings we don't remember pain. WE FORGET. the proof is people with multiple tattoos, and mothers with more than one child.

mostly its not so bad, man. i mean you gotta bite the bullet on things you want, right? can't get rid of that fat ass unless you feel the burn. can get inked unless you (again) feel the burn. the wrist was hell. Same with the crease near my elbow.

when i cough really hard from a bong hit... i can feel this open wound pulse and want to rip open. nice.

i'm gonna go swallow pain pills and wait for them to kick in. nite nite.

2005-09-07T13:52:00.000-07:00

know your role. just KNOW it, and be it, and do it.

everything in your life holds hands and when there is a dysfunction undealt with... it's the same as leaving an open infested wound on your leg.

your entire life and every aspect of it are connected like a chain link fence, and if you have a whole in your fence malicious spyware could creep in and infect your system.

for instance, if your apartment is a shit hole, and always messy... it reflects disorder in your mind.

or what if you were an upstanding citizen, and a financial SUCCESS, but you seemed to repulse women... you would be empty, and a hooker isn't always fullfilling when it's your only option.

i love everyone, except all of you pinheads.

i will be the first to point out that i haven't a clue about what im talking about half the time. i just get stoned, and try and stay smiling as often as i can, and perhaps that's all i need to know. either way it's very dope to get an email like i got from funky fresh freddy. anytime you wanna meet up man, i'll buy the first round. because fuck it, beer on the pier is what im all about.

god doesn't help those who help themselves. that's just the rich people's way of not feelign bad about stepping over a suffering starving person in need. god helps those who help themselves??? so what then... the helpless are destined to rot in hell?? why would a god create so much humanity and culture just to destroy it for not being "rich enough to leave" i think i feel the ground shaking, and tony pierce is my source for all things katrina. props to you tone-loco.

sometimes in my life, and in my friends lives... good and bad are dealt with equal force. for every raise at work there's more car repair that's needed. if you win a lottery scratcher, that same day you'll get a parking ticket. life just likes balance, or maybe the gods dont want us to ever be too happy, because... i derno. they be crazy.

i set my expectations high for myself, but im prepared for the world to fail me, because it has and it will many times over. all i got is me my hammer and my truck, and im coming swinging/honking/screaming/screeching to an intersection near you soon.

i have to get up now to put out that incense, it's giving me a head ache.

2005-09-07T13:36:00.000-07:00

wet hair. a film.

2005-09-06T20:48:00.000-07:00

im just a savy traveller, path inhabitor...

life is good when you can pump up the slow jams on your radio, and see the world from behind blue blocker lens on a sunny day, driving under the speed limit and not caring... in fact... wishing that you could go slower. DRAG this shit out.

sometimes when i feel like that i do a few laps around the block just to stay in my car... perhaps there's a badass jam on the radio that i can't give up on yet.

whatever.

i have a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other, just like the rest of you. and sometimes it's a draw, or sometimes the angel is whipped and hog tied, but regardless... life's too short not to be barefoot as often as possible. my favorite health teacher from El Camino College taught me that, and i think it's genius.

it's like when i get ready for a long flight on an airplane of a long road trip... i put on my sweat pants and my softest tee shirt because i want to be able to get as comfortable as possible, MAKES SENSE, RIGHT? but i always end up wondering why everyone (including me) doesn't apply this fashion philosophy to everything... like consctruction workers should be all wearing velvet track suits, and orthopedic sandals. Or the heavy set bus driver wearing nothing but his swim trunks. i mean who really cares, as long as the dude's comfy i could give two shits.

2005-09-06T17:04:00.000-07:00

Look man, no one said life was easy. SO what do you think huffing and puffing is gonna do, except annoy those around you? How would you like it if when YOU NEEDED HELP your friends replied with, "SIGH.... I guess. Ugh."

stop your belly aching and complaining because YES MILK IS SPILLED, all fucking over the place... And complaining doesn't fix a GODDAMNED thing. Be a mover, not a shaker.

be a DO-er. And do it fast, because we're all getting closer to death one second at a time, and soon we will be busy scratching our proverbial ballsack. Because that's true Americana.

part of the science behind a 40 oz. Of malt liquor is... All the beer being on one bottle like that gets warmer faster, requiring the drunk to drink it faster to enjoy the cold refreshing-ness. AND THE RESULT, is that you ingest the beer faster, thusly getting drunker.

I say just use a beer bong, it's faster, and 40 oz bottles are full of gross beer. ew, mickey's.

I think I should become a painter.. And oil based painter? I derno. IN FACT, I may have said this already... Leaving me feeling, like a talker and not a doer. SO, I will go to an art store post haste and whip up something, and see how untalented I REALLY am. Oh hell yeah.

but I might paint something cool, so who knows? The worse case scenario I guess is that I get drunk and paint my carpet. That's not so bad.

2005-09-05T21:07:00.000-07:00

the painkillers will grab a hold on me soon, and make me a much more pleasant person to be around. SOON. not yet tho. and until then i squint my eyes, and tighten my lips, and try and squeeze the pain out like a turd.

it's not working.

i have plenty of work to do tonight (still) and because mark is just too crazy/incompetent to have as a helper, i commisioned WHITEY to assist me.

the thing with mark is... you can only help a person SO MUCH, before you realize that they don't want help. THEY SAY THEY DO, but they really want to maintain their dysfunctional situations for whatever reason. with mark... i think the more of a loser he makes himself out to be, the more he "punishes" his parents.

but in the end, who's the winner?? certainly not mark. but this is my job, and i'm tired of asking mark, "why did you make that same mistake AGAIN?!" and his only reply being, "sorry."

but oh well. the good news is that i get a new tattoo on wednesday, and i get to help a friend paint an apartment on tuesday. YAY! i love when my days off are action packed and loaded to the gills with ACTIVITY. i'm never bored that way.

ok, south central here i come.

2005-09-04T02:10:00.000-07:00

it's after 2am and i'm nice and toasty from all the damn booze i have dricking since sundown.

i'd list off the toxins that are making me fels toxy & nice right now, but whats the use? just know that i advocate non-sobriety.

the world's not fucked, just the people running it are, and man... if i was in charge the only people that would be in jail besides violent offenders, are RACISTS. oh yah, sex crime people maybe too.

donald rumsfeld (for those of you that don't know he's the american dude in charge of the military) is worth over 248 million doolars, and i beg to ask this question... HOW different would his life really be if he was worth 148 million dollars instead?? i argue that he would NOT be affected if 100 million of his assets went to NOLA.

the lakerrs kicked up about 100 thousand dollars in donations... and i ask.. "that's all?"

Manny at the bar know our faces and doesn't make up whip out our ID's to proce we are of legal drinking age. i apprecaite shit like that. it makes repeat business to a shitty bar worth it. i'm not looking for much... but a warm smiley face taking my money for over priced booze makes things less repulsive. OH FO SHO.

i trimmed down my pubic because it was getting to look like a jackson 5 afro from 1976. OBVIOUSLY there has got to be nothing MORE VAIN than trimming your own puhbes while you hover over a toilet to catch the clippings. but man... IT LOOKS GREAT, if i wasn't afraid of scary people (aka secret admirers) i would post a picture of how awesome i look wearing nothing but a sweat sock, a la the red hot chilis.

LOOK MAN, despite all the smiles, bong hits, blow jobs (i wish), and days off... I'M JUST as miserable as the next guy. life is hitty, and i'm no saint. I'M just waiting for fate to catch up with me and deal me it's inevitable wrath.

BRIG IT ON, BITCHES!

but i've thought about the worse case scenarios... and when it BOILS down to it... i'll be aiight.

listen, i'd love to sit here and dribble on about this that and the other, but i have cigarettes to smoke, and weed to finish off. DIP ME in drawn butter, and dry me off with powdered sugar, because this baby needs his precious blanky. because NO MAN is anyting without his blanky. you better axe some-bawdy.

2005-09-03T11:01:00.000-07:00

no one comments here anymore. oh well.

just a picture. i think i smile in pictures less often these days. seriousness is the new funny.

2005-09-01T17:33:00.000-07:00

don't watch this. a film.

2005-09-01T15:52:00.000-07:00

i don't mind taking the long way home, because taking the time to enjoy my drive is priceless.

do you know the feeling you get as you head Due West, and get your first glimpse of the shiney, blindingly brilliant Pacific Ocean. The air is different, your brain lets out steam, and your shoulder muscles let go of all that tension.

GOD DAMN i wish i was out on that oil tanker oat thing, or flying over everything in one of those prop-planes that you can see in the distance.

the palos verdes cliffs, and ventura mountain range cradle your panaromaic view, and make you feel warm and safe here in the los angeles basin.

i don't know how people who live far from the ocean can handle it. maybe THAT'S why so many states in the middle are red. they're red cuz they're PISSED! they need more green, if ya ask me...

2005-09-01T13:29:00.000-07:00

zipping along in my truck, i barely notice the people that i cut off, tailgate, or generally inconveniance, because HEY MAN, i go tmy own life to live, and i'm worried about the dipshit who cut ME off.

well today, there was some muscle-faced, meathead who was driving like a tool in his topless Jeep Wrangler.

he was going slow, so i changed lanes to go around him, and of course he sped up to not allow me to pass... So i went behind him, and then he slowed down his car again, and pulled over to the side of the road... because he wanted to spit on my car as i flew by.

of course, i didn't know until i saw him spitting, as i drove by staring with a dirty look on my face.

i was sort of thrown off balance because i couldn't even figure out how i pissed this guy off. normally i know it was the honking of my horn, or the slamming of my brakes, or SOMETHING.

BUT the rad part was really that this idiot had to be the world's stupidest spitter. NORMALLY if/when you spit from car to car, you want to hoark your throat, gather all your phlem and lung butter, and spit a solid heavy wad that will land on the other car and leave a big cigarette-tar stain. BUT THIS GUY, he spit like a girl. he did one of those spits that comes out like a sprinkler spray, and he got spit all over himself and his car.

after i got the News Stand where i was headed to buy a magazine... i looked at my car, and the layers of dirt remained un-spitted on. how did me miss my entire truck?

i wish i was more vengeful, i would have done a Uturn and followed him to where ever he was headed, and after he parked i would buy a SodaPop and hose his topless car down.

i hate yuppies and meatheads. they're SO STUPID.

2005-08-31T16:12:00.000-07:00

today is the bday of a mad super dope lady, send her mad love.

2005-08-31T14:25:00.000-07:00

it looks like the old double jobberoo is flagging me down, and loading me up with mo'money for another weekend, which makes the $440 car repiars i just got not hurt so bad (altenator, a few belts, and a oil change). and my shiny blue two-ton monster is purrin' like it ought to be once again... that's all that really matters.

should i file for workman's comp??

i'm not sure if whitey stayed in town, but i hope he did. he confided with me that he really only goes up to santa cruz to visit this so-called "girlfriend" who dogs him on a regular. the drive from santa cruz to los angeles is roughly six hours in each direction, and about $65.00 in gas. all that commuting for a girl that disses him... it's starting to wear thin, and i'm trying to convince whitey to put his girlie on the backburner and move back down to the south bay.... he said he might prefer Venice Beach, and i think that would be tight. but i told him i would have his back, because he is my homie, in whatever he chose to do.

i never even met his lady friend, so what do i know? and besides, we all know he's whupped and therefore going to not move away from santa cruz, despit the $130 round trip price tag thats attatched.

today i went with my rap star friend to take pictures for his press kit, using my fisheye lens to get that novelty appeal. i'm just stoked that my pics are gonna be used for something serious, rather than same old buzznet generics.

i have about ONE more solid day off before i have to snap back into it, and all that... so i'm gonna go smoke a butt while i read a tattoo magazine on my couch, with the talk radio blasting from my alarm clock. syanara.

2005-08-30T21:45:00.000-07:00

other people's problems are GREAT, aren't they? just dwell on THEM long enough and all your shortcomings become invisible to yourself because, "at least im not whats-their-name"

what a shallow way to feel better about yourself, and so WHERE is that glass house you live in?? i admit that i AM what i hate about everyone else on planet earth. i recognize that i behave in all those ugly ways that i talk shit about other people for doing.

i'm the ultimate hypocrite, and therefore the perfect american. here's my one finger salute.

at least i can face facts, and admit ugly truths about myself, it's no fun, but it's sure a weight off the shoulders. don't harbor that shit. air it out like the damp laundry that didn't dry completely in the cheap ass apartment coin-op landry set up.

just like an open wound... you don't wrap that shit up forever, it needs to breath and scab up propperly. healing is a process and the steps come in a very specific order. you don't get over it until the scab flakes off, and the scab won't ever form if you keep the bandage on too long.

that's for emotional scars too... you have to let things go, and make them heal... or else you'll get an infection and REALLY be in trouble.

it's all this avoiding reality that makes us weak. how can you funtion in a REAL world when you surround yourself with lies about who or what you are??? don't shun the truth just because "it doesn't fee good..."

know whats the truth? YOU'RE A LOSER!!!!! but hey, so am i, so's everyone... join the club, and shrug off that self imposed hatred for what you are. HAVE PRIDE, being a loser ain't so bad once you come to grips with it, and learn to ride the wave.

the truth is no one's a loser... it's reletive term, and it all depends on who's looking.

just like this whole mess in iraq. who the terrists are, depends on who's doing the talking. i bet the brittish army called the american colonists "insurgents" when the american revolution was taking place. this country was started by white men who didn't want to pay taxes to a government they plotted to destroy. and the rest is history...

BUT OH NO... our history books refers to those earliest of americans as "freedom fighters" but it all goes back to... who's eyes you're using to look at it.

seeing life the way you choose to see it, do you deal with reality? reality is a bitch, i know... i am a stoner, why do you think that is??? it's because i hate reality as much as the next guy, but i still look at myself and the people around me with careful watchful eyes, making sure that all is NOT rotten in denmark.

2005-08-30T17:25:00.000-07:00

so like ya, i was chillin out here at home when whitey rang me up and told me he and his dog were on their way over becuase he was in my part of town, and because he was gonna hit my two footer, because who wouldn't want to do that?

after some rap songs and a shared cigarette (there was only one left) guido corleone called and came over with his asian girlfriend. all of the sudden it was like the old club house. but luckily they all took off before i could go too crazy... guido and his lady went off to eat someplace, and whitey had a surf date with some loser. and i await a family funtion type dinner fiesta, to celebrate Carrie's birthday. she's one bad ass sister, i will score her a dope present, no doubt.

we eat dinner at 6:15pm... my grandparents are gonna be there. stoked!

my grampa sorta looks like elvis... but i think that could just be because i think he is the king.

2005-08-30T13:28:00.000-07:00

viking getting inked a film.

2005-08-30T13:20:00.000-07:00

@work a film.

2005-08-29T13:34:00.000-07:00

thanks to dealer mcdope and his ghetto ass buik rivera, for jump starting my bitchass Truck.

all this effort and struggle just to find out that my car is fuckiung freaking out, and wants to sputter and putter and embarass it's owner. WTF?!

but i guess that's the way it is when you drive your shit over 30,000 miles a year, for the last 5 years...

hoses, and belts and wires and circuits... they don't stay dope forever. right?

so i'm carless and i stranded at dealer McDope's house until i decide to walk back home and be stranded over there.

maybe i'll ride my bike to gardena and pick up my paycheck...

i have a fat bag of the kush fronted to me, and there's going to be money pouring out my ass JUST AS SOON as i can get to a bank...

i showed my mom my tattoo today, i said, "so yah, i got a tattoo." and she said, "finally?" and i said, "what do you mean finally?" and she said, "you've always talked about it..." and i said, "well then yeah, finally." and i rolled up my sleeve, and she said, "oh shit, that's huge! hurt much?" and i said, "a little." and that was that.

McDope needs his G4 back, and i don't understand Macs so i am off to get vapoized by the vaporizor. when in doubt, be stoned. because it makes being in doubt more better.

2005-08-28T20:09:00.000-07:00

big up's to the homies that be knowin this tune, YOU FUCKING BETTER AXXXXE somebody. you're lion.

i like to buy DVD's and just watch the trailer for the movie. i'm a busy man, and all the details are really unimportant when you get down to it. the trailer for the big bounce was to die for.

i like outter space music that makes me fel like my truck is a rocket ship... i was thinking about it earlier today though...

my truck is my office and has so many comparables its ridiculous. Instead of paper clips, i have zip ties. Instead of a stapler, i have a tack hammer. Instead of a computer screen, i stare at a windsheild. instead of a mouse, i rock a steering wheel. and the best part IS: i can pull my "office" over anywhere and take a leak. or as the truckers call it when they piss on the on/off ramps of our nation's highways... "squirt the dirt!"

ugh, i just got a phone call from a family member, and totally lost my train of thought. but thats ok, because i will randomly select a knew thing to start typing because it's faster than re-reading what i wrote. i try not to re-read my blog too often, because i beleive that every blogger reads their own blog more than anyone else's.

i just realized today that for whatever reason my shoulders have not been bothering me like they used to. perhaps i finally "learned" how to sleep in a position that isn't twisting my spine into paralization. or maybe i'm just too distracted with all this smoking of cigarettes and eating of donuts to notice.... either way "WOO HOO!!"

i'm so hungry i could knaw off a finger, so i'll be foreced to slide another class A cigarette from my hard pack, and hope that it burns away the hunger because this house makes old mother hubbard's house look like a grocery store.

i'm boycotting pizza on the principal that i eat far too much of it, and besides... that thirty minute wait is enough to require padded walls. they got to be kidding me.

i've always said a donut deliver service in my neighborhood would do well, but no one listens to my brillinat business model. i would be a two times a day customer, they better bereive it.

i'm sticky with filth, time to go get all irish springed out. salty skin sucks.

2005-08-28T17:17:00.000-07:00

I ain't no PERFECT man, I'm trying to do the best that I can, with what it is I have. Tomorrow may never show up, for YOU and ME this life is not promised.

while umi is telling MosDef to shine his light on the world, I was eating a hamburger, with CHEDDAR cheese, because the Swiss is too damn holy for my evil ass. And I thought to myself, "man, I'm so PISSED, and frustrated, and ANGRY... What do I do??? How I do I let this shit go without killing someone?"

and I think that's why I smoke the doja, the la-la-la, the kush, sweet sacred Mary-J... The answer to anti's bird-brain.

have you ever gotten high, and realized that all the things you were upset about, or the things that were bothering you, or the THAT FEELING when the weight of the world is coming down on your shoulders so hard you can't even stand up straight..... You realize that "FUCK IT!!!" it doesn't matter. (not anymore at least)

you begin to wonder why you took it all so serious, and wish to god that you saw the humor is all of life's absurdities and hypocrisies. WE'RE ALL HYPOCRITES in the end. Every Single Last One Of Us.

I think I'm going to have my name legally changed to double standard Malone. And YOU, blog reader, should change your name to hypocrite fizzlestien. and life will be harmonious once again.

I honk my car horn, and hang half way out the window giving hard looks and waving my middle finger at anyone that will look at it. and what good does it do me? I make more enemies that way, and once you have four or five other cars on the freeway who are after you, and trying to throw salt in your game... Well is that really worth it? Just to get there 5 minutes faster?? (actually yes it IS worth it)

if you think about it, you might as well have a little party on the I-10West if you HAVE to use it.

I'm going def from sitting two inches away from full blasting speakers, so I will go... I hope people can relate to how stoned I think the world should be. if only we all were forced to take a puff a day.

until then, I bid you farewell.

2005-08-28T08:09:00.000-07:00

im going to listen to breakfast with the beatles as i drive into work today.

tomorrow i have the day off. and right now... im so tired. SO TIRED. yawn cenrtal.

off to the jungle where the signwalkers are going to surround my car, knocking on the car windows, fighting for rank and poisition. all i ask is that they keep the chit chat to a bare minimum while we drive to their corner. too early for that shit, and hey, breakfast with the beatles is still on.

i wish it was midnight already.

2005-08-26T16:57:00.000-07:00

covered in salty dried out sweat stains, while your cut and bleeding arms/hands/knuckles keep the sledge hammer in motion. never ceasing, like pistons in a locomotive. shoulder down, the sun cooking the skin on the his back, and his breath stinking of gatorade and camel lights.

hi, i hate the heat. but my truck's AC is so cold and deathly/mourge chilly.... and SO that it ain't no thang, choppin heads with a razor sharp boomarang.

an iced vanilla coffee drink, and a rice crispy treat every two hours, because gas stations have fuckall for selection. i hate Unocal 76, Mobile, Chevron, Shell, and i rarely see any texacos or valleros... but i hate those ones too. why do they stock up on so many sun flower seeds. who the fuck is all that shit FOR?!?!?! yeah, it's 100 million degrees out, your candy bars are melted into liquid, and you have twenty different sunflower seed options. well slap me with a slim jim, and smach a donut onto my head, gee willy-kers.

i love the smell of my own BO, who doesn't right? but man, i've hit new levels of foul. it is no joke at this point. shower time, immediately before i make myself hurl.

i'll be all fresh and peachy in ten minutos. fuck work!. then end.

2005-08-25T19:30:00.000-07:00

sciddly bop.

sign job all nighter status supreme.

me and stanz will be cruising deep, and maybe with any luck, i won't rock the house too hard. but we all know i have the worst luck when it comes to restraint. and this is FULL BLOWN commando madness.

mark wants to know who sings the song on the radio, and i told him the exploited, and then he nodded with this weird look on his face and blew second hand smoke at me.

whitey is in town, he called me, and i think he has my signwalking check. the bastard. he better fork that shit over.

ok i cant breath its too smokey in this small tiny hotbox. besides i need to eats me some drive through. because thats what it mean to be american, driving through.

2005-08-25T14:26:00.000-07:00

i was a sophmore in highschool, and the year was 1994.... Slayer had just gotten off of their 4 year sabbatical, and had finally made a new album since Seasons in the Abyss... They were going to do a tour, and my friends and i, as DIE HARD slaytanic weirmachs... we got our tickets, and anticipated one of the best concerts i EVER have been to in my entire life.

it was at the shrine, in the worst part of Los Angeles. and we knew that a Slayer mosh pit was not something to be fucked with, and it really wasn't.

after all the counting down of days, and preparations, and sneaking in weed, and bumming of cigarettes... it came to the moment we had all been waiting for.

peter and i were front and center sharing a marlboro he got from some fat girl, when the lights went black, and you could hear the triplet drum beat intro to their song Rein in Blood "Bam-Bam-Bam... Bam-Bam-Bam..."

and after the guitars and drums exploded, peter and i were violently thrown around, and i didn't see him until we were outside and the concert was over.

they played all their old jams even classics like "at dawn they sleep" in which the entire crowd starts chanting "kill, Kill, Kill..." louder and louder, until the acid you dropped makes it all to real and you have to explode into/onto everyone around you with fists elbows and head-butts.

it's a wonderful thing.

the pantera concert was pretty bad ass, but pantera was too commercial. slayer had this evil satanic dark underground vibe, and who wouldn't be drawn in by that?!?! and slayer never did the metalica thing.... which is to decide that thrash/death metal is tired. NOPE, slayer still kills it as harder as ever, soaked in blood, driving audio ice picks into your ear drums. ahhhh...

2005-08-25T11:31:00.000-07:00

come september 7th, my left arm will be covered with ink as well. strike while the iron's hot, or obbsesive compulsive behaviour? who cares? i would tell you what it is, and stuff, but again... who really cares. if you wnat to know, come back in two weeks.

but currently my status is "MUST GET STONEDER!!!" because its a personal mission to me, and i'm scraping the bottom of the barrel... so it's GO FOR BROKE and get higher than i need to be, or just tease myself with the left overs later. only true smokers know this dilema.

i aslo only have one cigarette left, which means i will have to put pants on soon. yes it sucks to be me today.

2005-08-24T11:08:00.000-07:00

i don't pretend to have an intresting life. i laugh at all you losers that read how pithy and lame and trivial my stoned rantings can get. there's no egg on MY face. at least im not rotting my brains watching a soap opera, or pro wrestling, or fuck it, whats the goddamned difference?

i sit at a computer, i sit in the driver's seat of my car, i stand in the occational elevator, and if i'm feeling "spunky" i sit on my bike seat riding along the sandy pacific rim. even when i go to the bar and start dancing my ass off.... i figure out a way to do it while keeping my huge ass firmly planted on a over stuffed bar stool.

i sure have a lot to say for someone who barely walks farhter than ten paces in row, in any given day.

there's thunder abound, roaring through town like a dragon. and guess what, the dragon's PISSED. and so is everyone else. the air is static like electric shock, and people's nerve's are crumbling faster than ice can melt. is it the end of summer soon?

fuck man, i didn't even get to go para-sailing like i promised myself i would...

but if my theaory about people is true. then i'm doing aces, and i shant be worried, and that's good, cuz i'm NOT worried.

my theory is that human beings are either promoting their own progress towards a given goal, or they are deteriating and getting more pathological by the day.

now i'm not saying i don't have my own compusions, ticks, tweaks, and stutters... i'm a hopeless freakazoid by most people's definition. but i see myself as my own personal hero. i dreamed up this lifestyle before i knew it could be possible.

who do you know that gets paid more than they know what to do with, and works only 3 days a week? these FOUR DAYS OFF are pot-smoke filled, and wreckless. sometimes i don't sleep for days, or i sleep the entire time. fuck it either way as long as the rent check is mailed off, and my pants are missing.

some would call me impulsive, because i think of something, and i don't talk about how i wanna do it. i just DO IT. and then i talk about it for a million years AFTERWARDS. but my point is that shit gets done. i can't sit on an idea too long... i have FOUR FUCKING DAYS OFF ON MY HANDS, which means i am busy as fuck on these four days with my hair brained schemes and wild eyed concoctions. who wouldn't be?!?!

btw, todays experiment proved that orange gatorade in yoru 7-11 coffee is prolly the WORST creamer subsitute known to man. but i might try it again for good measure.

and with all that intresting shit that i whipped up, because i SO non sarcasticly believe that you all care. i bid you farewell.

and lick my ass you fucking pathetic dildos.

funny: angela got booty called out in big tnaky's comments. the internet is a comedian.

2005-08-23T16:57:00.000-07:00

you're in airy tracked a film (and a bad pun)

2005-08-23T13:47:00.000-07:00

big tanky has a story. leave a comment on her site. make it a good one. drive by commentors should be dragged out into the street and shot. bleh.

tomorrow is back to the tatoo shop, to hang out while my cousin gets done-up. he is getting some kind of violent bloody viking/lion murder scene. it should be dope as all izzle. and i want to talk to homie about my left arm. it looks soo.... un-tattooed. that will change.

gatorade orange flavor for life. Both 7-11 and sha-naynay are both "open allllll night, baby" if you know what i mean.

i just finsihed a double sign job last weekend, and here comes more double sign jobs. please don't let this gravy train end!

meanwhile back in the jungle... things are looking sweaty as the natives lower me into a boiling pot of water. when they said they were having me for dinner, i guess i didn't realize how literal these head hunters really are. serves me right.

2005-08-23T02:51:00.000-07:00

part of the fun of blogging in my opinion, is when you click onto someone's blog and see that "WOW they linked MY blog on THEIR blog!!!" spread peace love and happyness because the kingdom is joyous.

but then there's the flipside of the coin. you go to a blog you haven't checked out in a while. a blog you link to, and who links back to YOU.... and at the last second... you see that you have become DE-linked.

your mind races, did i unintentionally de-link them first??? is this retaliation?? did i write something to make them hate me?? should i actually read their blog and find out who they are???

the answers to all the questions are NO or mebbe. the answer is "who cares?" because blogs are for retards, and noticing things like links, and hits, and stuff... is the lowest of the low.

that's like being in highschool trying to dwell on why two certain people didn't sign your yearbook. LISTEN man, there's more to life that a stupid web page that you made for free.

there's thai chi, there's sailing. Why not go bowling? OR i bet its been far too long since your last bird watching hike.

sure... laying around masterbating as often as possible isn't much BETTER, but it's not very different either. globspot.com

i used to de-link people on purpose, and play these heirechy games with the order of who was on top of the link-list. so i guess what goes arond comes around. NOWADAYS i just throw all new link ppl into the blogroll thing, because it sorts and re-organizes all on it;s lonesome. bo-badical. and ro-radical.

______________

i have tons of kush weed, because i totally bought all i could afford when i last hit up dealer Mcdope. right now, i'm smelling the skunkiest fucky monkey nuggets to ever be frosted in sugar. finger licking good, literally. you could throw weed like this at the wall... and it would totally stick, like a freshly pee-soaked urinal puck.

2005-08-22T21:12:00.000-07:00

watching film a film.

2005-08-22T21:08:00.000-07:00

biggest loser a film.

2005-08-22T13:27:00.000-07:00

the internet is strangling me to death. it used to be such a gas. now it just smells that way.

like a fart so hot that it makes the back of your knee caps sweaty.

everyone ran out of shit to say, even the spammers have lost their creative will. Everywhere you go someone is saying the same shit they always say. and you beg to ask yourself, do i really care. and you dont. so you sign onto this cess pool of rejects, freaks, and attention whores... and suddenly you realize that you should have been working harder on your DVD collection, because what good is listening to the weepy emo feelings of some loser from nowhere?

at least the internet gave us free/stolen music. download deez nuts music and film industry.

i feel like i reached the PEAK of what "good" the internet offers years ago. i write a blog, and SOME people like it, and that helped inflate my exxagerated ego. perfect, right? but when does it stop? when does this look at me circus take a sebattical?! pressumably never. cest la vie. be careful what you start, it might never finish.

if there was a need for a stoned southern california blogger, i wore the red cape and blue tights proudly. and no i won't eat a cheese burger with a strawberry poptart, even though it sounds delicious. but i MIGHT dip my rice crispy treat in your split pea soup. sounds gross, but don't knock it until you try it.

but don't try everything. you don't need to be butt fucked to figure out if you're a fag or not. and you don't need to gat a girl pregnant to "try out being a daddy". take your finger OUT of your ear, and put it back in your nose.

religious hypocracy is a fun game i like to play with my friends. but be smart, and stay silent when in mixed company. it's a form of "choosing your battles" and believe me, there is NOTHING to gain from letting a christian dipshit get you all flustered and frustrated.

just close your eyes, stand on a lotus flower, and say "ohm..." because ohm is short for:

OHMY GOD, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!

right? right.

damn... i'm still not stoned enough yet. what kinda day IS THIS?!?!?!!?

2005-08-22T11:35:00.000-07:00

firstly im sorry. because i have anger problems... latent ones. and i unleash them on you. my mind starts JUMPING to outragous conclusions, and immediately goes *gasp* this cant be!!

it's incredibly ludicris and extremely selfish, and i have to beat the parts i dont like about my behaviour into submission. CRACK that whip.

and the anger turns inward, because it knows nowhere else to go.

maybe im not stoned/numb enough yet, and reality of things i choose to ignore sink in, and i feel like a whopping loser. like a disapointment to YOU, and to everyone. Mr Let Down.

hi.

i can smack my own face, and feel that sting, and it feels good for ten seconds, buts it a short fix. so is a bloody nose.

i feel like a walking facade. a FAKER. a ball of pathology that somehow is able to fool the average bear. i feel like a booey bobbing in a sea of lies. the biggest lie is that im a smiley happy go lucky space monkey.

i'm a self loathing, complicated, dark individual, with a moral structure that would make most of my family cringe, and the ability to hide away in my cave where im protected by privacy.

you dont deserve these unpredicatble fits of illogic. these curve ball pitches, thise no-look passes.

i'm a semantical peice of garbage, because backed into a corner, i refuse to give up and call a truce. i play games like, "but you said that ONE word, and the dictionary definition of THAT word clearly states that..." like some kind of water rataining PMSing soccer mom.

ok, i think i need to barf now, im sorry for this mornign. and for being a shmuck. i hope you know i just somehow wok eup with my head FAR up my ass this morning, and i know you dont need that shit now or EVER. im sorry.

2005-08-22T10:56:00.000-07:00

here's a clue...

if he didn't want us to pull ourselves up, god wouldn't have given us boot straps to yank on.

when you ask someone for something.. do you JUST ASK?? or do you ask only after you exhausted every method of Doing It Yourself.... because there is a WORLD of fucking difference.

friends of mine ask ME for job advice, because i've had a shit load of crappy jobs, and i've got apparent business sense, and here's a Pearl of Wisdom if there ever was one: Ask for Help VERY RARELY. never, if possible.

there's is a special place in the world for people who are confident enough to KNOW that they are making all the right choices.

BUY your date a cocktail of your choice, WITHOUT asking if they're thirsty. Take initiative. CREATE DESTINEY.

rocking the boat? fuck rocking the boat... i took an AXE to the boat, and now there's plenty of tar soaked firewood, who wants some smores?

stand in front of a mirror, and figure out all the things about yourself that you hate. YOU never follow through on what you say you are gonna do. YOU feel like you are getting a late start on things. YOU feel like a burden, and like some kind of thorn in everyone's side.

it all doesn't matter, because you can wipe the slate clean. the best part about YOUR PAST, is that it's not your FUTURE. the future is what you want it to be.

and do you really want to face a future exactly like the life you live today? with a little elbow grease things will be much much cooler.

2005-08-19T21:07:00.000-07:00

YOU have got to stop crying and START living. life is too short, and too precious to live in YESTERDAY or to tell yourself that you will start living TOMORROW.

live NOW fucking a, god dammit.

face your fears, disturb your neighbors, escape the chains of sobriety, and welcome to enlightenment. OR AT LEAST, the path towards it.

and no this blog is not your source for zen stoned ideas from an idiot, so i'll shut up soon, but man... The CHOICE is always so clear, and simple and right in FRONT OF YOUR FUCKING FACE.

sad, ugly, hurtful, mean spirited, THATS THE TRUTH for you (ain't it typical?). but you can make the truth into WHATEVER you want, just pay more attention next time so that things don't slip back into darkenss. take ownership for what YOU could have done differently in a situation, and when you get another turn, DO THAT SHIT. - ok. my "know-it-all" routine is over.

#############################

it's really true. because of weed, and turbo graffix 16, i made the friends i made all through out my public school career.

we didn't really always like each other.... but if you weren't friends with the right person, at the right time... you MIGHT miss out on some QUALITY chocoalte thai. and that would be a stoner's worse nightmare.

for example, when we were all freshman, i had surgery the weekend of the Manhattan Beach Hometown Fair. and i guess Turnbull had the CHRONIC and was smoking out all the skater homies, and i would have tasted the best herb ever (during a time when shwag-weed was all we could normally afford)

but instead i was tortured with stories that started like, "oh man you MISSED OUT!!! Turnbull had the fucking DEATH WEED!!" and i would take a big deep breath, and sigh to myself, like a fat kid who didn't get to eat any ice cream.

+++++++++

today sucked. it is still not over, and all i want is to wake up and get work over with tomorrow. KJAHDSAKJH

the tattoo is peelin and itchin like there are a million red ants tickling my entire fore arm.

it even makes OTHER parts of my body itch. like my head and my butt.

2005-08-19T12:33:00.000-07:00

internet is a luxury when your office is you CAR, so i'll make it short and sweet and to the point, even tho i dont have one...

mark stanz and i are killing it softly, and have been cracking like two whips since 4:30am, when i picked his ass up from the south side of San Pedro (the boonies), and hauled all the way to the other side of the county line to my cousin's house to get the signs, and we're done now, at least for a couple of hours... signwalkers go out at 4pm...

double sign jobs aren't for people with lazy bones. so it's kinda weird that i kick so much ass at it.

i'm surviving on coffee and i ate cigarettes for breakfast. my breath even grosses ME out, and i like almost all smells. i'm one stinky bastard, but i guess one could say, "what else is new?"

and oh yah, i got into a road rage piss contest with this asian broad that was giving my helper shit while he was stapling a sign to a telephone pole. i CLEARLY had my flashers on, and was waving my arm out the window in that "go around me, please." motion. and guess what, she FINALLY figured it out, and made her way to the red light, but man....

mark was done with the pole by then so i crept up next to her car, and screamed all kinds of voodoo at that bitch, and then she pretended to call 911 or some crazy shit. HAH, this is south central BIOTCH, the cops don't care about your stupid "someone yelled at me" complaint. next time leave my helper the fuck alone.

she should consider herself lucky i didn't have Supersized Powerade from McDonald's.

just another day in paradise.

times up. bye.

2005-08-19T00:20:00.000-07:00

Non-titled a film.

2005-08-19T00:08:00.000-07:00

mark is cursed a film.

2005-08-18T20:38:00.000-07:00

business as usual a film.

2005-08-18T01:20:00.000-07:00

deep and wide a film.

2005-08-17T08:54:00.000-07:00

tattoo parlor glimpse a film.

2005-08-17T08:51:00.000-07:00

reggaeton rules. a film

2005-08-17T08:38:00.000-07:00

it took forever, it hurt like a motherfucker, yes i want more tattooes all up and down my body, and no i don't know what is next.

FINISHED. thank you grampa decker.

2005-08-16T11:38:00.000-07:00

i'm taking my old crotchety self up to hollyweird today, because this "Our Lady of Death" tattoo is not going to color get by ITSELF. I am a lot less nervous than i was the first time i got inked a few weeks ago, and oddly enough i am in for a world of hurt this time. the needle they use to apply the color is NOT your friend. no pain, no gain, eh?

everything's already paid for, but i'm gonna bring extra cash to tip Dr. Decker... because i drank my can of act right today. did you?

i have some pain pills so swallow after the ink has been slung, and the odds are I'LL NEED IT.

i slept like a baby last night, only to be rudely awoken by wrong number phone calls at 7AM. i don't even mind getting the wrong number calls anymore, BUT WHY AT 7AM?!?!? here is how i answer the phone after being rattled out of bed, "fffffffuck, man."

and people STILL have the nerve to ask me, "is this the animal hospital?"

to which i reply, "does it fucking SOUND like the granimal hospital???"

big tanky thinks i should just get over it, and tell the phone company to hook up a new phone number. and i would get myself a new number, although... i think i secretly like getting myself all worked up into a frenzy to the point that im screaming at some blue haired cunt who doesn't know how to dial 376-**** instead of MY number (379-****) because screaming is great excercise, and being in a frenzy is prolly good for my target heart rate.

2005-08-16T02:57:00.000-07:00

i hum when i exhale a film.

2005-08-15T14:35:00.000-07:00

i like PEOPLE that plan things. it's so far removed from MYSELF and how *I* do things, that i have to admire the ability to sity down and deal with something BEFORE it's breathing down your neck. planning. what a CONCEPT!!!

but at the same time, i pity those poor fools. what the fuck are they wasting time planning for? how can they BE SURE they know what the future holds??? What if, by some twist of fate, things don't go "as planned" and then they are back to square one.

all the planning in the world, all the PREPARING you can think of, will NOT GARANTEE you jack-shit. becuase life is messy, unpredictable, and almost always FUCKED UP.

ME MYSELF AND *I* like to just take it as it comes. throw me a pitch, and i'll do my best to knock it out of the park. all the planning i'll do is RIGHT THEN AND THERE as the baseball hurtles towards me at high speeds.

how sad and pathetic is the guy who dies at an early age with all his money saved in the bank??? think of all the things he could have done with the cash... vacations, fancy dinners, good weed, new clothes, GAMBLING!!!! but nope, he was "planning" on living longer, and "planning" on using the money "wisely"

i dont like to plan, i like to DO. the best way to feed yourself is to decide where you are going AFTER you get in the car and start driving. stop trying to control every situation BEFORE it even happens.

just take life as it comes, and deal with things as they come up. and in the meantime, Eat Drink and have lotsa Orgasms. becuase life is too short not to.

2005-08-15T14:25:00.000-07:00

dealer Mcdope is also a white boy rap star, working hard (and waiting) for a big break. his new album is about to drop and he named it after his favorite fast food joint, "in and out."

classy!

but the beats are tight, and Mcdope is not shitty at rapping like you would expect a white boy from 310 to be.

McDope and i are going to use my fancy camera skills and my expert geograghical knowledge of the los angeles basin to get some hot pictures for the album artwork.

my idea is simplistic at best: black and white, fisheye photos, posing in front of various graffiti yards. perhaps one pic posing on front of In-And-Out Burger.

and im willing to do this all for free. ALMOST FREE that is... all i want is to get high on HIS supply all that day.

2005-08-15T14:10:00.000-07:00

new tattoo appoitment tomorrow at 3pm!!!

Mark got fired permanently from the sign business. My boss/cousin caught mark sleeping while he was sposed to be holding a sign. you know mark don't you??? that nut case that has been my sign helper from time to time???

i felt bad for mark, because he is mental, and because he is an old friend of whitey's. THEY went to catholic school together, or some shit. BUT after i talked to whitey, i didnt feel as bad.

whitey said, "hah! that LOSER, i'm so not going to call him."

mark called me the next day and i answered the phone. i told mark that he could prolly get his job back if he wrote the Viking a letter of apology, ect. but man....

i dont think mark wants to write a letter, and i dont think the viking wants to ever see mark's face again. oh well... mark gets money from the US Government, and told me he is considering taking off the next 4 months, and just relaxing. i wish that crazy fucker good luck.

2005-08-12T15:03:00.000-07:00

when i first started doing the sign job, it was werid because i was suddenly thrust into "being the boss" of people. which meant it was up to me to fire someone when they wren't acting right, or "manage" my crew in such a way to get peak performance out of them.

after having done it for years now, and after having hired and fired hundreds maybe thousands of people... i've grown to realize that not just the people who work for me need to be told what to do. in fact, PEOPLE LOVE THAT SHIT. lotsa folks would rather not have to think, or make a decision, or use their brain at all.... AND are perfectly happy with letting someone else do all the picking, choosing, deciding, and THINKING.

like when i go out to a bar with whitey or one of my pals, and i ask them for a drink... they might reply with, "....ummmmm..." and i'm tellin you man, i will wait about 10 seconds before i snap back around and pick out a drink FOR YOUR ASS. heineken it is.

and if they tell me some jive shit like: "but i don't wanna heineken" i'll tell them to give it away, and i'll buy some OTHER shit that i choose. NO ONE usually dares reject the first choice i make... be it a captain and coke, or V.O. on the rocks with a splash of water.

drink up, boys. there's bar patrons to harrass.

call me a drunk, but there's no better place to be than a bar. and when i'm eventually a lottery winner... i will have a fulltime bartender working in my house. why else do people have children, right? "hey junior, another highball for daddy...."

the bars within walking distance of my house are all my favorite, WHEREever i live. right now that means old tony's and naja's. old tony is scenic, and has some fruitcake with an accoustic guitar singing james taylor songs. but man their mai tai's get you LOADED, and you get to keep the cup.

naja's is like this rock and roll bar, except the people that go there all give you that nobody alerted them to the fact that the 80's ended. i love the 80's, DONT get me wrong.... THEY just take it to a bad place. BUT!!! naja's has like a trillion beers on tap, and that's where i first learned about my most favorite beer of all, "delirium tremens"

i'd like to go driving around aimlessly (as i do) so im gonna make like a monkey, AND SPANK on outta here.

lates.

2005-08-11T17:48:00.000-07:00

ok so i got an email, and its prolly spam, but whatever. they said they would give me something for free. and so voila, because i lack creativity, here is the email:

From: Lauren, lauren@m80im.com
Reply-To: lauren@m80im.com
To: antidis@gmail.com
Date: Aug 11, 2005 4:53 PM
Subject: Buzznex
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Hey!

I'm contacting you on behalf of Buzznex and M80. I was looking at your website, http://antidisestablishmentarian.blogspot.com/, and it seems that you're a pretty big deal online- you have a lot of readers and influence. We're currently working to help promote this new online social network, Buzznex, which is like MySpace but with more features such as the Hotlist, built-in video, and lack of Fox News ownership. I was wondering if you'd be interested in posting a blog entry, web banner, link, or whatever you'd like pertaining to Buzznex on your site? For your efforts, we can send you an iTunes gift certificate, and top participating sites will receive a pre-loaded iPod Shuffle.

For more info on Buzznex, check out http://beta.buzznex.com/buzz. For banners, images and other assets, check out: http://assets.m80im.com/webmasters/buzznex/buzznex.html

If you decide that you'd like to help us out, please email me and let me know!

Look forward to hearing from you!
Lauren/M80

this gift certificate better be wirth more that 99 goddamned cents, or else i'll be pissed. i hope THEY aren't too pissed when they find out what a non-big-deal i am online. suckers!!! the end, -anti.

UPDATE: i forgot to mention that buzznet is the ultimate buzz-service, and if you want to REALLY get an account and be part of a ALREADY ESTABLISHED community, join the original buzzed out freak club: buzznet.

2005-08-11T16:59:00.000-07:00

i was born in a hospital located in a small area of los angeles known as Hollywood, California. we lived in the hills above griffith park in a mansion styled like a meditareanian villa. spanish tile on the roof, the whole nine.

celebrity and celebrities are common place in Los Angeles, and for us hollywood natives... it's yawn-central. i went to school with some so-called "kid stars" and guess what, they were all dicks. just another human being, carbom based life form, LIKE YOU AND ME, only we're not dicks. (not all of us. NOT ME)

in fact, and perhaps there are more people like this than i assume, but *I* would never want to be rich and famous and powerful.

well ok rich and powerful are cool, but only if it was top secret.

and on second thought i dont even want power. power currupts, and even if if didnt currupt me, its too much goddamned responsibility. all i would want is to be secretly, and quietly, FILTHY rich.

but famous has got to be the worst. i mean, not all celebrities are dicks. i shouldn't clobber them all with my generalizations.

i met John Ritter (jack tripper!!!) at an italian restaurant, and he was totally awesome to me. i sat next to John candy at a kings game when i was a kid, he was totally cool too.

funny that they're both dead. shows ya what being nice gets ya...

but i digress. (i dont even know what digress really means) and on that note, its time to smoke more pot and cloud my mind with doubt and confusion, becuase i love it that way.

2005-08-11T15:51:00.000-07:00

i made a newer, better-er version of:

how to clean your BONG! a film.

2005-08-11T03:38:00.000-07:00

tivo rules. a film.

2005-08-11T02:37:00.000-07:00

i have plenty to do and little to worry about. the dream life.

i think i finally found my calling. it's to just take as many naps as i can, while singing along to every corny song i can think of. shit man, i'd go pro if it paid even a dime.

a little driving on the 405 freeway... some banking here and there. perhaps rent will get paid, ect.

yesterday i did something that hasn't happened in YEARS. i paid my phone bill BEFORE they shut it off. WOW what a difference a day makes.

i got my hair cut for finally today. i can actually SEE the world now that the curtain has been lifted. how nice. Deanna at ultra lux says im her favorite boy customer because i dont give two shits what she does. she could tell me she wants to shave my head, and i'd say, "will the hussy at the front desk fetch me another cup of joe, dammit."

but she doesn't shave heads, and if she did, i'd prolly just shave my own head, because i used to rock a shaved head most of my life.

it's almost 3am, and i am going to hit up the carl's junior, because i love that fucking bbq western chicken shit like nothing else.

the ink on my tattoo is barely set into the skin, its not colored in yet, and im already picking out new tattooes. perhaps i should think "baby steps." ITS JUST that i have all these creepy catholic candles with the best scary religious art. i'm a sucker for a beaten bloody barely alive christ. but hey, who isnt?

with a cigarette in my mouth and resin on my lips, word to the mother ship.

2005-08-11T02:19:00.000-07:00

bulging eyes, and grit teeth. this is the face. OH YAH, and those lizardish veins that pop out of the neck. if you want to go ahead and make that face right now to see how it feels, go for it. or maybe just clench up your fists, while tensing up your shoulders. hows that feel? like when you purse your lips and breath loudly through your nostrils.

sometimes it helps to distract yourself with a pointless injury, so you deck the wall trying to put a hole in it. barely felt a thing.

THIS IS THE PICTURE OF SOMEONE losing. whatever "it" is, ain't fucking worth it. control of your emotions is NOT what that person has. which reminds me of what an employee of mine was talking about...

he said, "if someone talks shit to you, you HAVE to fight them. what other choice is there?"

i said, "well man, who cares what some dip shit said? to me... reacting and being defensive means that you might think the shit talking is true."

i mean seriously. SOME idiot talks shit to me, and *i'm* supposed to take it serious enough to react to it? WHY? so now they know a button to push, and instantly make me mental? is that really something a person wants to give to someone else???

you can't "push someone's buttons" and piss them off, if they have no buttons.

when the person in the honda in the car next to you is honking like a maniac, and trying to get you to look at their double fisted middle fingers... nothing makes them MORE pissed off than ignoring them, and dancing to the B-52's song that is randomly on your ipod. sciddly-bop.

want to know the face of the person that WON? close your eyes and go to sleep. the winner doesn't care SO MUCH that they passed out hours ago. typical, eh?

i'm neither a winner or a loser, im just an idiot on the sidelines. the silent (stoned) fly on the wall... making mental notes and avoiding eye contact. if you wait long enough and hold perfectly still, every type of prey imaginable will enter the cross hairs.

2005-08-11T02:01:00.000-07:00

this is now officially the FILM ARCHIVE. there will be a link to this post in my sidebar STAT. thank you, drive through.

Thumbs by Mefeedia

2005-08-10T12:35:00.000-07:00

the shittiest thing just happened to me and its my own damned fault for being a slimey greasy filthy pig of a person.

you see, a smart stoner makes certain that his smoking materials aren't so resinated that shit like this happens. *I* am not a smart stoner.

so im smoking on my bong, just tugging away like always, when the fire-hot cherry finally gets to the point that i can "snap it" through the tiny hole. at least that's plan A. what happened is that after the bowl was snapped, it got caught by the mounds of sticky resin in the down stem, and caught that resis shit on fire.

resin is poor man's hash. it's what a stoner smokes when he is out of weed. it's the tar build up in your pipe, and it can get you LOW-DEAD.

but man, it tastes like shit, and i don't smoke resin. i hate that shit. that's why i work hard and buy myself REAL pot to smoke. smokeing resin is for poor highschool kids, not 26 year old workaholics.

so i get this big blast of resin smoke, and my lungs went KABOOM and my eyes turned into puddles of salt, and i got a cold sweat all over my body. yes im high as the sky, but at what cost. not even two shots of rum can get this taste out of my mouth. blick.

2005-08-10T12:25:00.000-07:00

2005-08-09T15:12:00.000-07:00

in my opinion people blog for all the wrong reasons. they want FAME AND FORTUNE, or at least a shit ton of hits on their statcounter, or a bunch of haloscam comments telling you how great and right you always are. did i forget to mention sexy?

if you are a blogger, the truth is that you are one of MILLIONS who are punching away at the keyboard hoping for a reader to "understand". OR AT LEAST hoping that mom doesn't find the post where you called her a cunt, and admitted to taking it up the ass.

(btw, mom already knows. they know everything dammit)

but you wont get readers or hits on your stat-thingy, or comments in your inbox, or none of that shit unless you are keeping it real.

have a point, do it becuase you love it, enjoy the creative process for what its worth, AND ALWAYS PUSH YOURSELF.

never turn on your TV, because if you are unlucky... you will find a reason to not use your brain for at least 30 minutes. BAD BAD BAD.

a famous graffiti artist once said that you should worry about doing graffiti FIRST, and worry about "being famous" never. you don't go eat at a restaurant because you want to take a shit later. get me?

well, mebbe some people do. but isn't that like totally devoid of enjoying THE MOMENT for what its worth? how do you even know where you are on the map, if you are only staring at the destination???

there's a natural order to things. before you ARRIVE, you have to GET THERE, and getting there is great fucking fun, so stop rushing me.

all the best bloggers in the world would still write and pour their hearts out into their computers if noone was watching. know why? because they can't help it. they never could.

2005-08-09T11:35:00.000-07:00

signjob demo a film

2005-08-09T11:32:00.000-07:00

yadda yadda. a film.

2005-08-09T01:42:00.000-07:00

PULPY-ness.

staying alert is key, and everyone is really so self absorbed they dont want to understand me, they just want to see how my actions are relatable to THEIR storyline. Have you ever known that type of person who will TALK YOUR EAR OFF about themselves... but as soon as the conversation shifts to ANYthing else... They become "busy" and suddenly unavailable to talk. "i think I left my stove on, will you wait here while i drive home to check it? Be back in a jiff, I swear."

ummmm, que?

i'm man enough to admit that 99.9% of the time im not listening to people who are talking to me, im singing, "tra la-la-la, la-tee-da..." To myself in my head or im just repeating what I want to say, so that I don't forget it. AND YES THAT IS TRUE, but it's shitty because people are telling me shit I want to know , and so I realize that halfway through, and have to ask them to repeat it all so I can start paying attention from the beginning. YOU GET ME?

it's enough to make a normal and decent person GO MAD. so certainly a lunatic like myself should be well calloused to life in this blood soaked environment. And I AM. in fact I'm blood thirsty, and I like my steak cooked raw, because I want to nearly be able to hear the cow scream in terror. TERRAWRRRRR. mua hahaha.

I like movies with tits, and explosions, and CASUALTIES. I want to feel brutalized and devastated when I leave the theater. (salute to bobby beatoff)

television doesn't suit my needs. I don't have cable. all I can hope for is a blood bath on the highways, and hoping that CBS Chopper 2 (the eye in the sky) is on deck with a camera to watch the pavement turn red. Once upon a time whitey and I were sitting at an intersection deep in the San Fernando Valley at around midnight, when a busted ass Honda comes barreling around the corner, with a cop car on his tail. THEN 14 more cop cars flew by as well. we WERE STOKED, because we didn't see ourselves as coming "too close to a dangerous situation..."

we thought that we had FRONT ROW SEATS to the best show in town. Murder and mayhem, welcome to the City of Angels.

I only like to be taken seriously when i'm being paid to be serious. I'll do nearly anything for the right price (even murder, go ahead and offer me a billion dollars... Shit... if we're talking cash I might do it for a cool mil)

but I don't like being serious, or being taken seriously because life is too short not to laugh and smile and roll on the floor wrapping yourself up in your friends rugs, and running through their apartment complex's screaming "HUMAN BURRITO!!!"

LIFE IS TOO SHORT to just sit there, and read about people going apeshit, while you yourself are working on the dent in your computer chair. Maybe with a thousand more hours of sitting perfectly still in the same place the cushion will be formed PERFECTLY to your ass, because that is obviosuly the most important thing to worry about in life.

when was the last time you went somewhere you are not supposed to go to ALONE??? like Disneyland, or a 5 star restaurant... SHIT MAN they even made batting cages because they figured some shit is best, when its done solo.

why do you think men with healthy and satisfying sex lives still masterbate daily??? It's partly because men are depraved sex starved pigs of human beings, and its partly because we're alone at the time and decided, "why not go full blast?"

2005-08-08T18:15:00.000-07:00

LOS ANGELES (AP) - Los Angeles strip club owner Howard White isn't winning any new friends with his billboard. An ad for White's Century Lounge reads -- quote -- "Vaginas R' Us." A local business group is complaining. But one city councilman says vagina isn't an obscene word, so there's little officials can do. However, White has had to take down his sign temporarily, though not because of the wording. City inspectors cited the sign for a fire code violation. It was made of combustible vinyl. But officials of a sign company tell the Los Angeles Times White has already ordered a new "Vaginas R' Us" billboard.

i love this news story because it deals with three of my favorite things. Los Angeles, Signs, and Vaginas. AND my favorite part, especially as a sign guy that gets a lot of shit for where and how i use my signs... i am STOKED that the strip club dude is getting HIS WAY in the end.

2005-08-08T12:07:00.000-07:00

life RULES. riiiiiiiight. pshhhh.

simpleton is the 30th person to buy my book. 30 is A LOT in the bookselling world. suuuure.

all the answers, they just JUMP out at you. it's ALWAYS easy to know what to do. doubt never clouds your mind. OH NO, not doubt. NEVER.

everyday when you wake up you high five yourself, and say, "YES!!!!" because you are so stoked on your situation, because that's the human experience: nothing but good times. three hundred and sixty FUCKING five days a goddamned year, bitches.

money problems are ALWAYS non-existent, relationships are FOREVER easy to figure out, and good health happens with ZERO effort.

life rules because my upstairs neighbors would NEVER dare to stomp around like goons, and the meter maid turns a blind eye to my illegally parked pickup truck EVERYDAY! did i mention all of life's secrets and answers come with ease? oh suuuuure. totally. yeah fucking right. oh yah, and nobody ever mistakes sarcasm for "being serious". that would never happen, becuase that would mean life DOES suck.

people rule too!!!

people would never dare to cut you off on the freeway and then flip you the middle finger as if it was your fault. that's NEVER happened to me. nevah evah.

people would not DARE apply moral judgement on something that is clearly amoral. like a loaf of bread... or a pair of shoes. or a psychotropic plant. People like to mind their own business, and they NEVER steal my lighter after i let them use it to light their cigarette.

Everyone likes to mind their own business when it comes to religion. i've never been the target of a christian-recruitment campaign. YEAH RIGHT! i swear.

this blog, it's SO intresting. and the writing... it's like fucking top shelf and a half, ya dig? the internet is for winners. i love the police.

comments from strangers are never annoying.

2005-08-07T10:54:00.000-07:00

that's me and DVL.

as i rub my eyes, and scratch my butt, I stumble and zig-zag my way to the bathroom, making sure to body check every door jam on the way. I piss in the dark, getting about 90% of the piss on the toilet seat.

when all is said and done, i fish my cigarette pack out of the pants i was wearing the night before, and throw myself onto my couch, and there i stay, like a wet rag.

after i hang up on the onslaught of wrong number phone calls, and open my front door to scream at the maintenance men who are making too much noise... i might decide to actually put clothes on, and go out to see how many parking tickets i have accumulated in the last 24 hours.

welcome to my wake up ritual.

2005-08-04T23:58:00.000-07:00

signwalker spyhunter a film.

2005-08-03T23:45:00.000-07:00

Free Dealer McDope a film.

2005-08-03T14:25:00.000-07:00

tonight my sisters, their husbands, my mom and i will be attending dinner at a loverly italian restaurant. i would tell you which one we're going to, but the last time i did that, someone spilled the beans to my dad, and he made an unwelcomed cameo, and sat a few tables over, and stared at his old ex-communicated family while we hid behind our menus.

ahhh good times.

dealer mcdope is on the east coast, and im nearly tapped out on my high-supply. what is this brotha gonna go? i guess it's time for more beers.

i need to go long sleeve shirt shopping, so that i can keep my new pricey piece of body modification well protected from those harmful ultraviolet rays.

my apartment looks like i decided to throw everything i own into the center of the room. how does it get like that so fucking fast? i'll never know.

cheers, and FUCK THE WORLD AND EVERYONE INNIT, i hate them all.

2005-08-03T03:17:00.000-07:00

new tattoo a film.

2005-08-03T03:05:00.000-07:00

chillin at guido's pad. a film.

2005-08-03T02:48:00.000-07:00

Boneventure Elevator a film.

2005-08-03T01:57:00.000-07:00

you can't live your life in fear of the What If's. what if something goes wrong? PSHHH....

what if a mack truck flattens you out before breakfast? what if a missile lands on your head? what if a roaming pack of barbarians take over your hometown?

i remember this dude got both of his arms completely covered with tattoos by the time we were seniors in highschool, and how critical everyone was. they'd say, "what a fool. what does he think he is gonna do when he grows up and has to attend the Company Picnic??" never considering that perhaps he could were a long sleeve shirt, or maybe even a jacket. OH NO, IT'S THE END OF THE WORLDDD. (pshaw, hardly) and btw, who fucking goes to company picnics??? someone's been watching to many episodes of The Wonder Years

you can't be affraid of rollercoasters, because in all acutallity - if the thing went bonkers and you got hurt, you (or your remaining next of kin) will be recieving DISNEY-money (megabucks) for life. i mean, talk about hitting the bodily injury jackpot, eh?

almost everyone i know lives their life paralyzed in fear, including myself. it's sad. i try my best, but it's never good enough. what can i say, i'm scurred.

go uncle billllll!!!

poeple i know are affraid to be honest. people i know are affraid to try something new. people i know are affraid of being wrong. people i know are affraid THEY MIGHT BE RIGHT.

right now the thing that scares me the most is running out of time here on planet URFF. im a SPACE JESUS navigating my u.f.o. like a comet towards certain death. snapping poloroids, shooting bonghits, and practiciing the art of the white trashiest trailertrash moustache. i'm almost ready to compete on the Winston Cup circuit.

FEAR is what seperates the WINNERS from the losers. to win you must be fearless. you have to be willing to pay the ultimate price (losing everything, perhaps your life) and for that, you are rewarded with FIRST PLACE. the champion, the numba one stunna.

i think it's sad when one of my friends is too affraid to THINK BIG. i'm the best/worst kind of friend, because i never suck up to an idea. if i think something's rotten in denmark, i fucking lay down my honest, opionated, elitist ideal. and yes, you're wrong and im right, let's have that clear from the jump, you follow me?

i dont want to turn off my brain because im am so riddled with anxiety that i can't function like a decent average american anymore. i want to stand up and shout in the middle of the movie theater, i want to drive my car over the severe tire damage, i want to run UP the DOWN esculator and prove that im faster. i want to dance with the dead in a pale moon light.

NO... i will tell you what i want to do. *I* want to put my car in park, walk up to that Jeep Cherokee in front of me, and politely knock in their car window and ask, "why the fuck are you so retarded?" just because, man.... i think i deserve an answer to such a dignified question, especially when, "FUCK YOU YOU PIECE OF FILTHY CHICKEN-SHIT" is the only obvious thing that i should have said.

im far too busy loving every square inch of Los ANgeles to really sit down and collect my thoughts propperly. the summer always does this to me... it envelopes my psyche, and life becomes and episode of "saved by the bell" except im the screech (gulp)

but thats okay.

everythings ok, and everytings fine. or at least it will be once i can find the courage to get my ass over to the 24 hour Carl's Junior Drive THrough Piece of SHit. yes i want chicken. i love chickens. they're the universal flavor of exocit foods. "i ate bamboon." what did it taste like? "chicken"

remember how bizzare our world truly is at all times. TV and radio come for free... but they make you pay for toilet paper... i'll never understand it.

2005-08-02T14:58:00.000-07:00

so i love chicken. i do. it tastes dericious. and i love chicken artwork, it's true. and to prove it to myself and the world i will attend THIS event tonight, on melrose avenue. i'm curious to see what buffmonster and tofer are gonna bust out with.

2005-08-01T18:23:00.000-07:00

ok, im ready to reveal what i was hiding from my blog all this last week. it's really not as exciting as some of you may have guessed... i got a tattoo!!! a big ass one on my fore arm, wanna see it? click here.

i have weed to smoke and pain meds to swallow, adios, pinche cabrones.

2005-08-01T10:59:00.000-07:00

im just slicking back my hair, and putting on clean underwear. In no time flat: i will be leaving for my two-uh-clock appointment with Mr. Decker, and my week long secret will finally be revealed when i get home.

i only have kept it a secret this whole week because blog comments are the best and sometimes THE WORST part of a blog. i didn't want everyone chiming in with their two cents worth of unsolicited advice that didn't make any sense anyways.

or the obvious WORST case scenario... someone talking me out of it!

i need a bong hit tho... because im nervous and excited, and i want to remain cool-calm-collected, because that's what im famous for.

2005-07-31T00:29:00.000-07:00

how lucky can one guy be a film.

2005-07-29T22:52:00.000-07:00

i smell like your medicine chest. i look tired like the elderly.

i like BARE BREASTS and i connot lie.

there's a gay bar in santa fe springs called the RimRam, and i told mark that they should name it the asslick-buttfuck, just to avoid confusion.

i still do not understand why MY b.o. smells so good, and everyone else's b.o. smells like hot garbage.

today at disney california adventure theme park, two rides crashed into each other, and some tourists were rushed to an area hospital. CAN YOU SAY, "cha-ching$!$!" ???

tomorrow morning i will be picking up and organizing 15 strangers, Giving them a job, and hoping i won't have to Fire any of their bitch-asses.

"aviator" is my favorite style of sunglasses.

it feels like im dreaming as i type this, i haven't made friends with sleeping in far too many hours. just the thought of eventually being rattled awake to my horrific blaring alarm clock... it makes me want to go grab myself a redbull, and make the circles under my eyes larger and more defined.

i only have two menthol cigarettes to my name, and so im nursing them, and smoking them with a rubber nipple, so i can make em LAST: the hazzards of being morbidly lazy.

i was gonna use cough syrupp to finish me off, but im a pirate deep down.... so rum will suffice.

i hate having a conversation with the dimwitted. repeating your illogical thoguht process DOESNT make me suddenly agree with you. if you have nothing new to say, shup up and listen for once.

jesus had a mullet.

i am losing motor functions of my neck muscles.... i guess thats a sign. nite nite.

2005-07-29T16:26:00.000-07:00

another assfuck of a day. OH YES. it's true.

i've been awake for 31 hours, and working slowly and steadily all through the night, only stopping for the occasional refills on coffee and rice kispy treats. but its over now, and i feel like a flickering light bulb, i would lay down... but my mind has melted too far beyond the path of no return.

my my friends, booze and high octane drugs are on tonights menu.

suplemented with a soothing DVD and a taco? FUCK MAN, i need to take a dip in the pool like a coal miner needs a bar of soap... BADLYYY.

my sign helper forgot his Doral Light 100's, and im going to smoke them all for his punishment.

or is that punishing myself?

to the couch!!!! the socks need to be delicately peeled off these hard working feets-o-mine.

oh darling, please believe me...

2005-07-28T17:26:00.000-07:00

there's plenty of time to get ready before work, and by ready i mean, as high as humanly possible. i just got some stickers in the mail, see them in the backround?

im gearing up to be busy busy buys this weekend, like whoa and a half. moons over my hammy. that's what i will eat at 5am in between the two sign jobs im preparing.

i have to work long hours, all through the night, because it's easier than busting your hump in the brutal agonizing sunshine.

2005-07-28T13:44:00.000-07:00

i hate neighbors with dogs a film.

2005-07-28T10:20:00.000-07:00

Chest pains are no big deal. To prove it I explode my lung beyond capacity with Expando-Budz that make my bong feel like I'm shooting a hypodermic needle as thick as a beer can into my chest, or like I am impaling myself with a massive chimney stack, and after a few minutes sitting in the fetal position on the floor in front of my fan... i feel so high that i might even forget where i am.

don't youlove that disorietned feeling of having NO CLUE where you are? like when you wake up hung over in some chicks bed, and leave only find that you were in a senior citizen's home. yeah, "one of those" nights. ugh.

my arms and shoulders are doing great. my neck too. ITS A MIRACLE!!!.

or maybe i'm just sleeping smarter, btw, i had my first nightmare in FOREVER, last night. it was horrible.

the last time i remembered any of my dreams (good or bad) was when i was living in canada (aka: america's hat). i mostly never remember dreams, and im pretty pissed that i had to remember a fucking nightmare. in the nightmare there was someone named Ace, and if i ever meet someone named ace in real life, they're gonna get popped in the face. nip that one in the bud before any shit takes flight, get me?

2005-07-28T10:02:00.000-07:00

oscar the bitch. a film

2005-07-28T09:16:00.000-07:00

for the first time in a LONG TIME, i woke up and remembered my dream from the night before. OF COURSE it was a horrible nightmare that set the mood for a bummer of a day. prior to today... the last time i remembered my dream from the night before was when i was living in canada. That was years ago and, Those dreams were nightmares too.

i spose the lesson learned here, folks: never fall asleep sober enough to remember ANYthing. NEVER EVER.

i guess on the bright side, im up early.

i think the thing i hate about a nightmare THE MOST is: YES you know it was just a dream and has no basis in reality... BUT you still have memories of the dream, no different than memories of real life events.

whats the psychological point of it all? why do we have nightmares? a friend's doctor says we have them because of anxiety...

maybe i am anxious about my secret. even though my dream had nothing to do with mondays upcoming TOP SECRET EVENTS.

i do have some GOOD NEWS to report. i woke up without ANY neck or back pain. im getting good at sleeping in the right positions.

2005-07-27T04:42:00.000-07:00

so riddle me this, you fucking homeboys and b-girls: What Turns You On???

and no im not talking about "what gives you boners" because that's basicly anything, if you're a guy it couls just be a pair of silk boxers for chrissakes.

i'm talking about what gets you LIVE? what makes you light up? is there anything that can amp you up?

be amped, god dammit.

i'm jumping around like a caged animal beating my fists against the walls. apparently my upstairs neighbors are what amp ME up. weird.

2005-07-27T02:51:00.000-07:00

Big tanky mentioned to me recently how she and her NEW boss are annoyed that all the movies that are out, from almost ALL the major motion picture houses, are taken down to the lowest common denominator. i believe she said, "It's like we all have to go the movies and watch some stupid shit that Bobby Beatoff, from middle america, thinks is 'awesome'. He's never seen herbie the VW, it's fucking new to that asswipe. Bewitched is brand new to em too."

it was hard to understand big tanky at first, because my sides were splitting as i laughed at the ficticious name "bobby beatoff". i think that should be my new sign in name on MSN Messenger.

anyways, she went on to point out how movies in the 70's (a la taxi driver, carnal knowledge, anything by Kubrick from that era) were more adult films that didn't place weight on morality. she continued to remind me that the film's ended in often violent horrific ways, and yet STILL let the viewer walk away witht he ability to judge the movie on their own meritts.

i guess my take on walk tanky was tellin me, is that it's just people not wanting to think. it's people wanting to be told, rather than to FIND OUT. it's laziness.

it's fast food drive thru's, 1 hour photo labs, jiffy lube, and every other concept or device which convinces the WORLD that we need to be in this big hurry.

apparently no one has time to read the news paper anymore. i know that it's a RARE day if *I* myself pick up the times, or the daily breeze to see whats cookin. know why?

because everyone loves raymond is on, and it's bland dull comedy style is just dumbed down enough so that i don't have to use one brain cell to sit there and soak it in. ahhhhh....

whats the news gonna do anyways? it just pisses me off. it's not news anyways, they should run a disclaimer under the news, "for entertainment purposes only". i think it's a sad estate of affairs when during times of world crisis (terror attacks in london as an example) you are more likely to find out whats going on over there by using a well worded Technorati search, rather than listening to any major media News cast.

especially since bloggers are ALL gossipy 12 year old girls. but oh well.

but it's true anyways. fantastic four? the pink panther?

did hollywood just give up on new ideas? i mean... for how expensive the theater has become, you'd think they'd at least stop pumping out virtual re-runs.

nahmean?

2005-07-27T02:26:00.000-07:00

2 KUSH BONG HITZZZ a film.

2005-07-27T02:13:00.000-07:00

a little ov today:

get a rusty abandoned shopping cart and fill it with your two months worth of dirty clothes, and drive that beast to the laundry coin-op, using the bottom of your shoes as a brakes.

then fill every available washing machine, and realize you have a shopping cart of clothes that stink gross like your belly button STILL left over. wonderful. at least you have quarters you dipshit.

then go wander around and get stoned, and completely lose track of time, and totally forget about the laundry process... BUT hours later it dawns on you, and you find your clothes sitting damp in a pile on the far table. you want to plot revenge and trash everyone else's laundry process, but then you remember that OTHER people's laundry is almost as nass-tayy as touching your own vile dirty clothes. so you just say fuck it, and grab what you can of your damp pile and try stufing it into a dryer. you dont care if you drop half of it on the dirty floor along the way. that's just how it goes.

once its all dry, you feel kinda retarded for ruining so many different articles of clothing. but oh well... that always seems to happen. thats why you go through clothes so fast.

and what you dont ruin... you lose.

2005-07-26T18:08:00.000-07:00

ihave big time exciting news, and i want to keep it secret from my blog... and like, im BAD AT THAT (keeping secrets from my blog) so i've just been avoiding the internet. can you hear me sighing yet? you betcha.

i hope you all watch that video below of mark, and get a taste of the lunacy that is a Sign Job Helper Person. i can't believe the stuff mark says, or the way he thinks. i've never met someone so wrong about so many things. it's nuts really.

but he works hard, and means well. so whatevs.

ok you fucking nimrod dipshits from hell. i just want to let you all know how much i hate you all, and how excited i am about my upcoming stufffff. i'm dying over here, cuz it kills me to omit things from my glob. truly. but in one weeks time it won't be a secret, and the little trolls and maggots can swarm out of their nests and leave me ceremonial comments of reverence and servitude.

i'm starving because i haven't eaten all day, and maybe im just bitter. oh shit... *remembering* i DID eat today. god dammit. this weed is making me hungr-AY. no doubt bout it.

big tanky wants to watch life aquatic again, and im desperate for a dominos pizza (yes i know they suck, but it's twofer tuesday.) and monday needs to hurry its ass up already, luckily i have ANOTHER double job (my third in a row) and im moving from broke, to paid off, to filthy stinking loaded.

but the signs are feat or famine. the famine will come around again. im just glad that we're feasting like romans. more than you can eat is a good thing when you're talking about money. BOO YA.

alright, i must get back to watching one of the ten trillion new DVD's that are littering my shelves.

renting is for ppl with commitment problems. and regular tv is for bitches. the end.

2005-07-26T11:11:00.000-07:00

black crack whores, and peter pan a film.

2005-07-25T15:38:00.000-07:00

IM RICH!!! it's true.

these last two weekends, i had to pull double jobs. running two signjobs at once. AND believe me, it's no walk in the park. it truly IS hard-ass work. for example i had a 22 hour work day yesterday. 8am to 5am the next morning. i just woke up an hour ago.

double sign jobs pay double too....so yeah, all those debts i had a couple weeks ago (everything from back rent, to car repair, ALL my parking fines, cell phones, ect) are wiped clean. stress-deleted.

and this is why i lived a charmmed life. i try not to ever worry about things, and as a result, everything sorta just works out in the end. story of my life. IN FACT, the times i've had the most trouble is when i allowed myself to sweat the small shit. it monkey-wrenches the whole fucking program.

i have for you the perfect example to demonstrate my point. have you ever been late to an appointment or a date?? I've noticed that the more you RUSH, and weave in and out of lanes of traffic... THE MORE red lights you will encounter. AND ON THE FLIPSIDE of that coin... if you're eating a chilli burger while you drive, and you're PRAYING for a red light, so that you can stop and finally clean up the pile of steaming hot chilli that fell in your lap. Well My friends, you will not get a red light. Every signal will be green.

that's why you should just be happy that you are a stupid idiot, because the dumbest people live the happiest lives.

2005-07-22T13:35:00.000-07:00

how DOES one treat themselves to a hard days work COMPLETED (i busted out a 16 hour graveyard shift from hell)

MY SWIMMING POOL!!!

im now a tee shirt designer, it;s true. and no, my tan lines will never go away. that's just the hazzards of being a GOlden God.

i just realized something that is going to be a crucial to my swimming pool experience. IM OUT OF BREWS! oh well tho... i still have captain morgans chillin, and a shot of rum at 1:30PM, is as good a time as any.

i just made that face where you grit, and bare your teeth while squinting you reyes as tightly as you can. umm... smooth i guess?

i hope everyone in los angeles who is suffering from the heat wave pictures me casually doing laps in my perfect-tempature pool.

god i love this condo!!!

2005-07-22T04:37:00.000-07:00

mark and i are all stoked on finishing the south central job. he is my helper, and whitey has apparently taught him good sign-kung-fu. right now we are ready to roll out to Home Depot to stock up on supplies for the remainder of our work day. (we've been signing it up since 10pm, taking a two hour break)

bad breath fog

i have to stop off in gardena before we bone out to La Puente. but i promised mark we would get pancakes for breakfast (our actual dinner) and it seems like a nice treat.

pancakes!