it's incredibly ludicris and extremely selfish, and i have to beat the parts i dont like about my behaviour into submission. CRACK that whip.
and the anger turns inward, because it knows nowhere else to go.
maybe im not stoned/numb enough yet, and reality of things i choose to ignore sink in, and i feel like a whopping loser. like a disapointment to YOU, and to everyone. Mr Let Down.
i can smack my own face, and feel that sting, and it feels good for ten seconds, buts it a short fix. so is a bloody nose.
i feel like a walking facade. a FAKER. a ball of pathology that somehow is able to fool the average bear. i feel like a booey bobbing in a sea of lies. the biggest lie is that im a smiley happy go lucky space monkey.
i'm a self loathing, complicated, dark individual, with a moral structure that would make most of my family cringe, and the ability to hide away in my cave where im protected by privacy.
you dont deserve these unpredicatble fits of illogic. these curve ball pitches, thise no-look passes.
i'm a semantical peice of garbage, because backed into a corner, i refuse to give up and call a truce. i play games like, "but you said that ONE word, and the dictionary definition of THAT word clearly states that..." like some kind of water rataining PMSing soccer mom.
ok, i think i need to barf now, im sorry for this mornign. and for being a shmuck. i hope you know i just somehow wok eup with my head FAR up my ass this morning, and i know you dont need that shit now or EVER. im sorry.
December 2002 January 2003 February 2003 March 2003 April 2003 May 2003 June 2003 July 2003 August 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 January 2006 July 2007