elevators doors seems to know when i have to pee.
i walk in, i push the button for my floor... and i wait patiently while the elevator doors DO NOTHING. the door sits wide open, as if all power had been shut off in the building.
that whole process is only as annnoying as it is, because when i DON'T Have to pee.... all the mechanics work seemlessly. i push the button for the first floor.... and the elevator door flies shut so fast, you're certain that you would have lost an arm or a leg if you weren't careful.
when i hear someone yell for me to "hold that elevator!!" i never ever do. in fact... because im such a dick, i will push the buttons for every floor in the building so that they won't see that elevator for the next half hour.
i like to jump around, shake, and rattle the elevaotrs that i ride in. or if the elevator is particularly crowded... go ahead and stamp your foot down on the ground as loud as you can, and proclaim, "i think i killed ONE of those cocaroaches, the other one went OVER THERE!"
and lastly... it's hard to get the timing right, but if you are a true elevator mischeif mastermind... you can egg fart on command.
and people wonder why i prefer to take the stairs...
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