Anti abandons the internet.

it's finally over, thank fucking god.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

my shrink appointment is tomorrow and there is a big part of me that wants to just quit and give up because i have gone 4 times now, and i dont feel any fucking different when it comes right down to it.

what are you sposed to feel? is therapy just one giant pricey placebo effect thing? because i dont even feel THAT.

but then i think that im not being patient enough, and that i need to learn how to hold out for delayed gratification and not lose my cool when i don't isntantly get my way.

i hate that part when i show up, and sit on her couch, and she asks me how something made me feel. because know what...? sometimes things just make me feel nothing.

like last week while i waited for her to fetch me out of the hallway by the elevators... i was sorta standing around watching these business office suit-wearing types mill around and clean up after their business-function, or whatever they had.

well when i got into her box of an office, i sat down only to be asked how it made me feel to stand around with office-worker-bees.

i generated an answer, because therapy is expensive, and if she took the time to open her mouth, i'm going ot take the time to work with it. but man... sometimes im just reachin.

thats why i think im wasting the money, and should just give up. because when im driving home, i never feel anyting other than jipped.

i sort of wish i didnt know how expensive it was... i can't shake that shit.

but man, i shouldn't give up on my doctor so fast... she had the largest ad in the yellow pages, and that has to count for SOMETHING, right? it's not like anyone can swoop in and just BUY the biggest ad. that would be unethical, right?

AND, oh my god, i can't believe i haven't told you nosey fucks about this detail already... WHen i had my first meeting with her, she nearly had me sobbing unctrollably while curled up in the fetal p

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Tony Pierce