Anti abandons the internet.

it's finally over, thank fucking god.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

I am trying to be more honest with my bodies needs, and give into them when appropiate.

for quite some time now I have viewed things like sleeping and eating as a waste of time.

that's a terrible way to put it... lemme re-phrase: eating and sleeping are important, but I'd rather get them done and over with ASAP so I can hurry and get busy doing nothing.

like with food... It's never my idea to go to a nice restaurant. I am MORE THAN HAPPY to eat all three meals a day out of a gas station food mart. Rice crispy treats for breakfast? cheetos for lunch? Beef jerky for dinner?!?! mmm mmm good. And as inconvenient as it ought to be. I can squeeze in a meal while I pump my gas, how brilliant.

or with sleep... sleep is just the batteries recharging up, or at least that's how I see it. So fuck it, when you got a spare second... Give the old batteries a 20 minute chargeroo.

or on that same logic... Sometimes you just are too busy doing nothing to waste time sleeping. I mean... The conan obrien show doesn't just watch ITSELF, does it?

im starting to have a change of heart on this whole attitude regarding my body and the demands I make of it. My therapist told me it seems like I choose not to live in my body... Although she doesn't know me well enough yet to give me much else. But it was curious to me, because I had never heard it put to me like that.

its like I spend so much time making sure im stoned enough, and have smoked enough cigarettes, other bodily needs fall short. Interesting...

from now on, im trying to make certain my sleep patterns aren't ALL OVER THE PLACE like they normally are. it seems like I can manage that shit NO PROBLEMO.

the food thing worries me tho. I've always had a very bizarre relationship with food. God, im such a girl sometimes.

anyways, I can't really justify the costs of eating out at places that are above the fast-food-par. That will break the bank on me faster than I can handle. So what's left, eh? Learn to cook?!

I guess anything's possible, I just don't think I have it in me to change up everything THAT fast, although no one has suggested that I should. My therapist has my back, and does not think I need to change one thing about HOW I live... Just how I think about it perhaps. I derno... I'd better ask her, I see her in an hour an 45 minutes.

and this time I promised not to me late again.

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Tony Pierce