I can tell im not there, I can tell that im struggling still to be where I want to be.
I want to live on "nothing bothers me" island. Where someone can walk up to me, hawk a loogie in my face, slap my beer out of my hands to the ground, and scream insults about me and my family to my face... And all I do is, I just laugh, and shrug my shoulders, and wipe the spit off my face, because no one's gonna get a rise out of me, man. no one.
I don't live on that island yet. But I have every chance in the world to make it there... im trying...
it's important to have that much control over yourself. It's VITAL that you know how to choke back the natural human instinct, which is to be the adverse affect, and give a person that REACTION they were looking for.
it's like the whole point of me saying how I love when I piss people off on the highway is that if they DIDN'T flash their brights or honk at me, or give me the reaction I was looking for... Then THEY'D WIN, and I'd feel stupid (like normal)
but see, the line doesn't just stop at being able to be MADE upset. If someone has the ability to piss you off, then you can fall victim to multitudes of manipulations. Because if you follow that logic then someone has the power to make you happy, sad, jealous, whatever they want.
so what's the solution, right? How do we avoid being the adverse affect of the world we live in?
that's not so easy, and it takes lots of practice. But I can tell you THIS much: if you are a loose cannon, and if you have a short fuse, or even if simply someone can ruin your day at the drop of a hat... Then my friend, you are not in control of yourself, no matter how much you think you are.
I love myself, I love my life, and I have told as many people as I can that I believe 2005 is the year to be alive. No one can ruin or change that for me. When I run into the nay Sayers, the playa haters, and he cynical critics, I just feel sorry for them, and hold on to my dreams tight like it's my first time touching titty.
when people talk shit straight up to my face, I put on a smile and pretend im laughing it off... But really on the inside, my fists are clenched and my knuckles are whitening, as I cock my shoulders back, flare my nostrils, and and proceed to envision how happy flattening so-and-so's face would be.
so much for not letting things bother me, eh?
but it's cool, at least I can somewhat disguise that im having a reaction to someone's taunts. Baby steps... Baby steps...
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