i watched my dad start to fake cry as he sat across from me, while we had dinner at Burton's: a very pricey restaurant. it was also my dad's favorite. Jack new all the waiters' names by heart, and what was going on in their lives.
he had bought them off to be his friend, all he has to do is continue to tip well.
and as he fake cried, i couldn't do anything but stare at the cloth napkin in my lap, thinking to myself, "he's divorcing mom, my family just fell apart, and now he wants me to console him as he FAKE cries?!"
i wondered who the adult was. i didn't really feel all that brutalized by the bad news, but it seemed to me, one of my new job expectations as "son" was going to now include making my dad feel less guilt in his life on top of not being allowed anytime to remose my own loss.
it's him that's supposed to be that grownup, right?
i was highly insulted by the whole horse and pony show. i was 14 years old, and i could speak and think logically, believe it or not. but he would never know, because he thought i was dumb enough to fall for his act.
and shit, when deliverying news of that importance... you'd think he would have had the tact to just talk to me straight up like a man, mano y mano.
but no, he went for the sickening sobbing, and the wiping of tears that wernt even there. HEY BUDDY, you cant "dry your eyes" if they ain't wet, get me?
after dinner was done and over i skated. i went on a mission, and ended up in a northern segment of manhattan beach called el porto, because that's where my friend eli lived. after a walkthrough of his unlocked house, i knew he was at the, and walked down there with my shoes and my skateboard to see him. i had to tell someone what had happened.
i couldn't hold it to myself any longer.
him and i met up and headed back to his house to watch american gladiators, and all we ever said about it was, "hey eli, my parents are gona get divorced...."
years later eli told me about how i looked that day walking down to the water with my jeans and hoodie on... my face pale and lifeless.
perhaps i was more brutalized than i thought. perhaps it was just the cold ocean air on my sweaty face.
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